Journey Day 307

Last night was amazing and such a blessing!! Not only did God provide earlier in the day with the pizza, but he provided in a gigantic way with people! We had over 85 people there, and we raised 531 dollars for the CFF!!! I was so blessed by everyone that came out, and the generous heart of all of the people that came and showed their support! It was amazing and such an encouragement to me! God was so very real to me last night, and it was a reminder that God always wants what is best for us, and not only that but He will bless our hard work! : ) My favorite part was at the end when I was able to give Meagan the 65 roses that we had collected! It was such a special moment for everyone, but I think especially for Meagan and I. It was a night I don't think I'll ever forget!!!

Journey Day 306

This morning I almost had a breakdown. I have been planning on feeding all the volunteers and bands for the benefit concert tonight. I had been talking to Dominos and they told me they would donate pizzas, but I found out on Wednesday that they would be only donating 5. Don't get me wrong, 5 is better than none and I am super grateful for the contribution but now I had to find more pizza to feed all my awesome volunteers. So I went to another dominos that is in a neighboring town and talked with them about donating a few more pies. Well yesterday it looked very promising, but today the general manager told me he "didn't feel like doing that tonight". So I stood outside my school's convocation, on the verge of tears. I didn't know what I was going to do! So I held my tears, and walked as fast as I could to my car. I drove to a local pizza place, just praying that they would have a big ol' heart and be willing to help me out. So I walk in and wait for a few minutes and a man walks out from the Kitchen...

Man: "Can I help you with something?"
Me: "I was hoping to talk to a manager."
Man: "Well I'm one of the owners, would that work?"
Me: "That actually works perfectly."

I then 'splained my situation to him and the minute the words were out of my mouth, he said, "Absolutely! We'd love to do that! How does 4 large pies sound? We'd also love to give you some certificates to raffle off!" All I could say was, "thank you thank you thank you thank you!!" Woah... In a small but powerful way God reminded me that He was in control, He was on my side, and He could provide! And boy did He provide way more than I could hope! Not only do I now have more pizza than I need, but God also provided more certificates for me to raffle! God's goodness never ceases to amaze me! I don't know about you, but His presence even in the small things is such an incredible comfort to me! I am sooo looking forward to this concert, and to see how God is going to work! : )

Journey Day 305

Tomorrow is a really big day! This year I have been doing some advertising work for a coffee shop in town and tomorrow we are using that facility to have a benefit concert for the Cystic Fibrosis Foundation! This benefit is something I have been working on since November so I'm looking forward to seeing how it all turns out. However amidst my excitement I'm also a little nervous. Why, you ask? Well I'm nervous that noone will come, that I will have failed my dear friend Meagan, and the Cystic Fibrosis Foundation. I'm scared that even my best isn't good enough and we won't raise any money for this awesome organization. I think what it comes down to is that I'm scared that maybe I'm a failure. When I think about it, its an entirely selfish thing to feel. This benefit concert isn't for me or about me! It's for Meagan! It's for the CFF! But there is still that lurking, selfish fear in the back of my mind causing me to doubt myself. But it seems the moment I allow those feelings of doubt to come in, God comes to my rescue! He says, "Sarah, attendence at a benefit concert doesn't define you, money raised doesn't define you, the opinion of your peers doesn't define you... I alone define you! I think you're pretty special. I rejoice over you with singing, I take GREAT delight in you! I knit you together in your mother's womb, you are fearfully and wonderfully made! Find your worth in me Sarah, seek my kingdom and my righteousness and all of these things shall be added unto you. Don't worry about tomorrow, for tomorrow will worry about itself! Simply be still at know that I am God and I am in control of ever single circusmstance. Find your worth in my love, my grace and my power. Do not allow the world to define you." Are you allowing the worries and opinions of the world to define who you are?  I challence you to see what God has to say about your worth... I'm positive that it will encourage you and maybe even change the way you see yourself! So while yes I'm still a little nervous about tomorrow, I'm more excited to see how God is going to work! And whether 100 people come or 10 people come, I find my self worth in something that never changes... God's incredible love for me!

p.s. my "self-talk" is based on bible verses... I don't want anyone to think I'm a crazy literally hearing God talk audibly to me! haha God uses the bible everyday to speak wonderful truths into our hearts and lives!

Journey Day 304

This week=filled with stress!! But instead of freaking out, like I usually would, I have a peace about the craziness of my life. I have two group projects due next week... on the same day, I have finals to study for, papers to write, work, and a benefit concert on Friday... but I have that peace that passes understanding. Don't get me wrong, I have a moment where I have a mini freak out but then I start to calm down and God gently reminds me... "I'm in control, I love you, and I'm in control of every part of your life." Such an incredibly reassuring thought! Sure, I could chose to freak out and stress hardcore about everything I have to get done... but I mean freaking out won't add a moment to my day, nor will it help me get anything done! So instead I have been choosing to take it one day and one step at a time. The end of the semester is almost here... I can almost taste it! All I have to do is attack one thing at a time, and take refuge in the fact that God is completely in control! So here's to only 12 days left in the semester, and 12 days left of projects and 12 days until the freedom of SUMMER BREAK!!!!

Journey Day 303

I follow Mr. Rainn Wilson on twitter. Mr. Wilson plays Dwight on "The Office" and is seemingly a political/social activist in his free time. That being said, he tweeted something very interesting yesterday, and it said, "F You, God'-http://www.soulpancake.com/post/1378/f-you-god.html" Needless to say, I was intrigued so I clicked on the link and it brought me a discussion board about "3 reasons why you are pissed at God." I began to scroll through and my heart began to break. All of these people are so broken, so sad, so lonely, so mad, so insecure and so lost. I believe that God wants us to be real with Him, and that includes being honest about when we are angry with him, but these posts were just so sad. One person posted this, "I'm pissed: 1. That your name makes it to my secular humanist lips during moments of ecstasy- how the f bomb do you do it? 2. That your followers are content spewing your non existent words in order to push their political agendas. WTF? 3. That you're not real, I'd truly love some deity to talk to about my son having autism, in hopes for some miracle, or at least some funding." Most of the posts seemed to be posted by atheists, and their desperation and anger at a God that they claim doesn't exist shows that in their heart of hearts they hope He does! If they truly didn't believe in God, why are they telling Him why they are mad at Him? There were so many more posts just like that one, and some more heartbreaking. All these people are so lost, and so lonely and so angry at God when all the while He is just sitting there waiting for them to come home to Him. See, this is why were are called to preach the gospel to all nations, including our own! There are people everywhere that are just as lost as we used to be, and we need to reach out to them and show them Christs love! Let's be honest, much of the reason the world hates Christianity is because they actually hate people who claim Christ! Oftentimes we aren't the best representation of the love of our Father. One person wrote this, "1. Why are your followers so hateful, ignorant, and terrible to others." Man.... that sucks. Our love for others should shine through us so that everyone around us can feel the love of Christ, our actions should not drive people away from the cross! I know we can't be perfect, but as Christians we should work harder to be new creations and to live a life so different from the world, that when people look at us they can't help but wonder what we have, and then we can share the life saving and life changing grace and mercy that we have found in the cross and in Christ! Today I challenge you to do something loving for someone, whether it's buying coffee for the person behind you in line at Starbucks, or writing a nice note for someone and leaving it on their car... the choice is yours, but show Christ's love to everyone you know!

Journey Day 302

It has been a loooooong day, but a good day! I went to this awesome health food store called Whole Foods, and it is a magical food heaven! haha It was awesome and I wish they had one in town! Now I am completely exhausted, so I leave you with this verse, "But he said to me 'My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness.' Therefore I will boast all the more gladly about my weaknesses so that Christ's power may rest on me." (2 Corinthians 12:9)

Journey Day 301

Today I watched "Chronicles of Narnia: The Voyage of the Dawn Treader". Lucy, one of the main characters, was really insecure and she only wanted to be as beautiful as her sister Susan. She found this book, where she could see herself in a mirror, but the person she sees in the mirror isn't actually her... it's her sister. So she rips the page out of the book to bring along with her so that whenever she wants she can see this beautiful "version" of herself. One night Aslan comes to her in a dream and basically tells her that she is worth so much more than she can even imagine and that she can find her worth in his love for her. In this moment I was reminded of two things... C.S. Lewis never disappoints with his metaphors AND we are just like Lucy. We find our self worth in everything but God, and allow the world to define how we see ourselves. But God gently says, "Find your worth in me dear one, find your worth in me. My love is all that matters, so find your worth in me!" Even when are hard on ourselves, and we don't like the face we see in mirror... even when the world is down on us, and we feel discouraged, we can take heart and find our worth in the creator of the universe, who created us with a perfect plan and purpose! If you doubt that, go give Psalm 139 a read... it might just change your mind! : )

Journey Day 300

Holy moly... only 65 more days left on this journey of mine!!! In honor of this, I will dedicate this post to a little bit o' honesty. I struggle with pride/selfishness... along with many other things, but lately these strongholds have been more evident than usual. Sometimes I think more highly of myself than I should, or I compare my relationship with God to other people's. I see my needs, and desire but sometimes I am blind to other people needs and desires! I was listening to the radio on my way home today and one of the deejay's said, "have a good weekend people and spend some time on yourself. Because I mean really, noone is more important than you." Those words hit me like a ton of bricks! What the heck!? Is that really what we believe these days. It doesn't matter what other people need... we're the only ones that matter? That is so messed up! And you know what? Sometimes thats the way I think. I act like I'm number one, and everyone else comes after me. What a screwed up attitude. The bible tells me to die to self and follow Christ. This includes dying to my own selfishness, and my own pride. I know this isn't something that will happen immediately, but will take time, prayer, and a completely surrendered heart. Part of seeing people through God's eyes means dropping your pride and your selfishness and replacing it with love, selflessness and optimism! So that is what I'm going to do!!!

Journey Day 299

Things I've learned this week:

- Sometimes I take for granted what Christ did for me on the cross, and my salvation. This is unacceptable and I must remember that Jesus died so that I might live.
-1 Corinthians 13:1-3
"If I can speak in the tongues of men and of angels but have not love I am like a resounding gong, or a clanging cymbal. If I can fathom all of the mysteries and all of the knowledge, and have a faith that can move mountains but have not love I am nothing. If I give all I posses to the poor and surrender my body to the flames but have not love I gain nothing."

I typed that up from memory because I am in the process of memorizing 1 Corinthians 13... "The Love Chapter". Love is sooo key, but it's also so easy to forget! I need to remember "if I have not love I am like a resounding gong or a clanging cymbal.

-xie xie! (thank you in chinese) annnnd Ni Hao (Hello in chinese)

And that my friends is what I've learned this week! Don't forget to spend time thanking God for all he has done for you! His sacrifice saved us... and may we never forget that!

Journey Day 298

Easter is quickly approaching, and with that in mind my school had a communion service during Wednesday night church. I usually avoid that service... not because I don't love Jesus but because it's typically a long service and I "don't have time". I put that part in quotes because in reality that is a super lame excuse for not spending time with the lover of my soul, and the one who died for me. But I went yesterday because a friend is in town and she was going so thus, I met her there and boy am I glad I did! It was such an incredible service, and God was totally there. I think I spent a lot of it just simply basking in His furious love for me. God reminded me, "Sarah why do you doubt my power and plan for your life? I sent my son to DIE for you.... doesn't that prove to you that I want the best for you? That I have a great purpose and plan for your life? He didn't die so that you would live a life of captivity! He died for your freedom, and for your future! He died so you could live your live with me! Be still sweet daughter... be...still." Our campus pastor told a story of a man and his two kids in a temple in India. The father was whipping his son, the son was whipping his infant brother, and there was blood everywhere! An indian christian man went up to him and asked, "Why are you doing this?" and he answered, "Because the Gods need our blood to atone for our sins." Then the little boy gathered his own blood and that of his father and small brother and brought it up to the altar for a sacrifice. What an amazing, loving God we serve that He sent His son to die so that we didn't have to! He doesn't ask us to give our own blood, or attempt to attone for ourselves through good works... no, He sent a replacement sacrfice. He died that we may live. This thought truly broke my heart. There are people all over the world so lost that they are shedding their own blood and the blood of their children and their children's children. They are so lost that they are willing to try anything to go to heaven, when all they have to do is seek Jesus. There is a loving God just waiting for them, but they don't even know it! Man... that really just breaks me. And that is why I want to go to China. I want to help people know God, I want people to see that they don't have to strive, they can't earn their salvation, all they have to do is seek God's face and be still. Jesus died for that, and may we never forget it or take it for granted.

Journey Day 297

I decided to start reading through Acts to get a better understanding of the work of the Holy Spirit, as well as the beginnings of the church. I was reading in chapter 5 and verse 41 jumped off the page at me! "The apostles left the Sanhedrin, rejoicing because they had been counted worthy of suffering disgrace for the Name." A little bit of background... the apostles had been arrested and brought before the Senhedrin to stand trial for preaching the name and teachings of Christ, and although the Pharisees decided to free the men, they flogged them first. So here are these men that had just experienced incredible amounts of pain for the Gospel, and are they complaining as they leave? Are they weeping? Are they discouraged? NO! Instead they are REJOICING in their suffering because they count it as a blessing! Incredible. I wrote in my bible, right next to the verse, "ahhhhh! let this be my desire God!" Their love and reverence for God must be beyond description if they can be beat within an inch of their life, and still be rejoicing! I want that love... I want that faith... and I want that trust. "To live is Christ... to die is gain"

Journey Day 296

This past weekend was simply incredible. I was given the opportunity to be in upstate New York for four days, with other Christians with the same common goal... to go to China for ten months to spread the love of Christ Jesus. It was a powerful time of learning and worship, and the Holy Spirit's presence was tangible. I learned more about my trip, but more importantly I learned more about God and about worshiping Him. It really opened my eyes to a passionate way of worship that I've never experienced before. We sang together, prayed together, learned together, and became a unified group in 3 and a half days. It was incredible. I feel like they are more than just new friends... in fact they feel more like a new family! I'm just so excited that I will hopefully have the opportunity to serve alongside these amazing people! I think this weekend reminded me that I am allowing myself to be held captive by the chains of guilt, fear and doubt and I need to break those chains! In fact I think a lot of those chains have been broken, and I feel like I have been filled with a new boldness and knowledge about my God. It was definitely a freeing and healing weekend for me... being wrecked by God is a thing of beauty. Sometimes God has to break us down so that He can build us back up again, that way we can be stronger and withstand any storm of life! While that brokenness is painful in the moment, it brings healing in the long run.

Journey Day 295

So yesterday was the first time in a really long time that I didn't write!! But I think I have a pretty good excuse... I didn't get back from my training until 3am, and at that point I was EXHAUSTED, and I will give an entry on my amazing weekend with Campus Target, but I'm still kind of processing the whole experience, but hopefully tomorrow I will give an awesome update! Goodnight friends! Sorry for the lame entries the past couple of days! : )

Journey Day 293

I'm so grateful for this weekend!! I've never experienced so many people in one place that have such a genuine love for God and faith in Him. I mean these people are simply incredible and inspiring! I'm truly blessed by them, and I can't wait to work with them some more! Short answers this weekend because I simply have no time to write, but I'll hopefully give a more detailed report of my experience at mini camp sometime in the upcoming week! Goodnight and God bless!!! Remember Luke 11:11-13... let it change your life and rock your world.

Journey Day 292

So I am far too exhausted to write a lot tonight, but I just want y'all to know that my world is being rocked this weekend. My faith is being challenged and the way I view God, his spirit and worship is being completely changed and I'm loving it! I'll share more after this weekend is over, but for now this will just have to do : ) GOODNIGHT and God bless!!

Journey Day 291

So yesterday I was hanging out with my friend Joel, and we were talking about the song How He Loves, by John Mark Macmillan, and about contemporary worship in general. I personally love that song, I think it's wonderful and it really puts my heart in the right place. BUT he brought up how the song isn't necessarily a worship song. And at first I put up a fight, I mean this is a song I love, how can it not be a worship song. But my friend reminded me about how that song talks about us a whole lot, and how much God loves us, but it doesn't really praise who God is, and it doesn't really exalt God and His glory. Let me just say, MY WORLD WAS ROCKED!! In the best possible way of course. Maybe I've been approaching worship wrong this whole time. Maybe instead of making it about God, I've been making it all about me... how screwy and messed up is that?? Well you know what? It's time to change to that. It's time to make worship all about God and not at all about me. It's not about me... it's all about GOD!

Journey Day 290

Tomorrow early morning I leave for Upstate New York! A long weekend of getting to know other people that are just as passionate about spreading the love of God in China! I'm really starting to get super excited about it! I can't wait to meet everyone, and spend some time getting to know all of the leaders. It's a long drive, but it's totally going to be worth it! We're gonna learn all about support raising and all of that good stuff. It's very very exciting, and very very scary at the same time! After I get back, I'll share with everyone some more details about my trip. : )

Journey Day 289

This morning as I was getting ready for work I had a mini panic attack. I'm not even sure if I would call it a panic attack, but I started freaking out a little bit. This weekend I am going to Upstate New York to start my training for a pretty big missions trip. If God continues to open the doors, I will be going to China for 10  months starting in August. Which brings me to my mini panic attack. Throughout this whole process I have managed to keep a pretty cool head and I have not started to freak out, but this morning as I was thinking about going to mini-camp and going to China, my chest started to tighten, breathing got a little harder and I panicked! The conversation in my head went a little like this... "I. Am. Going. To. China. I'm leaving my friends, family, school, and everything I hold near and dear to fly across the globe for 10 whole months. I only have one more month of school left before I leave for a year. When I come back most of my closest friends will be graduated and what if it's like I have to start all over again?" I took a few deep breaths and calmed myself down, all the while these fears were just chilling in the back of my mind. But as I sat at the computer at work, looking up verses on contentment, God gave me this verse... "Have I not commanded you? Be strong and courageous. Do not be afraid; do not be discouraged, for the Lord your God will be with you wherever you go," Joshua 1:9. This was exactly what I need this morning. I feel like God was saying, "Sarah, didn't I tell you where I wanted you to go and what I wanted you to do? Why are you doubting me? Why are you worrying? You don't have to be afraid or discouraged because I will be with you while you are in China. Be strong." I think the strongest and most convicting part of that verse was the beginning. "Have I not commanded you?" When God shows you what you need to do, you just gotta do it. You can't doubt God and His sovereignty, you just have to go. Who am I to doubt the creator of the universe? For He will be with me wherever I go.

Journey Day 288

Yesterday was the last day of The Daniel Fast! I am actually kind of sad to see it end! I've really been enjoying feeling healthier and more awake, as I learn more about my body and how it works.

Things I've learned through this fast:

-My body is a temple and I must treat it as such by putting the right kinds of food into it, and avoiding the wrong kinds.
-God has freed me, and I do not have to be held captive by the chains of guilt, fear and worry.
-Times of quiet and stillness are key in my relationship with God
-I don't have to see the whole picture right now, because God does. It's better to be content in the here and now with the information I already have than always wishing for the future and what it holds.

I definitely think I would/will do this fast again, but in the mean time I'm going to apply what I've learned and go forth a healthier person, protecting the temple God gave me! : )

Journey Day 287

I am Israel. God continues to provide for me every single day, and yet I continue to question his goodness. So thus I am Israel. Over and over again throughout the old testament God saves the Israelites. He gives them food, defeats their enemies and blesses their lives and yet every time the going gets tough the Israelites get going to worshipping some other god, or they question God's sovereignty in their lives. Just read Jeremiah, Isaiah, Lamentations, and those are just to name a few! There seems to be a formula... Israelites are in a jam then God saves them, then they forget about God's goodness and power and turn to idols to fill the holes in their hearts, and then God has to punish them. Luckily the formula doesn't end there. After God punishes the Israelites for their disobedience He redeems them and brings them back to Him. God never stops saving them and loving them. So thus I am Israel... I get in jams and God saves me. I forget His strength and power and then question Him and allow the idol of fear to take over in my life. Then God gently disciplines me (at times not so gently), and brings me back into His arms. Sadly this cycle seems to repeat itself. I was sitting in church today, and Pastor Paul said something about Israel and in my mind I started to judge them.... silly Israel, God always provides, when are they going to get that. And in the very next moment it dawned on me... I... am... Israel. God never ceases to love me, and provide for me and yet I still continue to worry, I still allow myself to get caught up in the chains of guilt and depression. God provides my needs exactly when I need them, and not one moment before. I need to trust God and have faith that He will never leave me nor forsake me. That He has plans for a future and a hope. I need to rest in the fact that everyday He will provide for each of my needs and I don't have to worry, wonder or doubt.

"'For I know the plans I have for,' declares the Lord, 'plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future. Then you will call upon me and come and pray to me and I will listen to you. You will seek me and find me when you seek me with all your heart. I will be found by you,' declares the Lord."
-Jeremiah 29:11-14

Journey Day 286

"Because of the Lord's great love we are not consumed, for his compassions never fail. They are new every morning; great is your faithfulness."
-Lamentations 3:22-23

This really resonates with me tonight. I'm so very grateful for God's great love and compassion.

Journey Day 285

Usually as I'm getting ready for the day I utter a short prayer to God. It goes something like this... "Abba, please bless this day. Let me feel your presence and see your face. Keep me safe and from making stupid decisions. Help this day to be a good day God filled with joy." In and of itself this is not a bad prayer. But this morning as I was getting ready, and prepared to say my same ol prayer, something dawned on me. My prayer is pretty selfish. It was all about me, and not about God and His glory and majesty. Sooo I rethought my prayer. Instead this morning it went something like this. "God, throughout today help me to bring You glory. Whatever I do, help people to see You through it. Allow me to fade into the background, and for You to be the center, God." Cause you know what guys... no matter how good or bad my day goes God is still good. God is still powerful. God is still wonderful and He still deserves all the glory. That doesn't mean that everyday is going to sun-filled and simply filled with warm fuzzy feelings, but it does mean that even when the fuzzy feelings are gone, God is still there watching over you! SOOOO bring a glorious God glory in all you do today, and trust that even when God throws a curve ball your way He is still good, glorious and in control! : )

Journey Day 284

I have a question for all of you. Do you think that if every time you were about to make a decision you asked yourself, "is this for the glory of God?", your life would be different? I think mine would. I think that if every time I wanted to sleep through a class I asked myself, would this bring God glory, I would sleep through a lot less classes. Or every time I wanted to say something mean about someone and I asked, would this comment bring God glory, I would be able to be a lot kinder. 1 Corinthians 10:31 says, "So whether you eat or drink do it all for the glory of God." My prayer today is that when people look at my life, they would see God and His glory and not me at all and I think that starts with always asking... "Am I do doing this for God's glory?"

Journey Day 283

So I think one of the coolest things I'm learning throughout this fast is all about nutrition. I'm really starting to appreciate good foods, that are good for you AND I have soo much more energy. It's extremely exciting and invigorating and I am truly enjoying it. I think that even after I'm done with the fast on Sunday I'll still use a lot of the things I've learned in my everyday life. For example I'm going to drink almond milk and not  cows milk and I'm not going to eat beef anymore. I'm going to make fruits and veggies a bigger part of diet, along with other organic and all natural foods. We shall see how it goes, but so far so very good!

Journey Day 282

Cannot Keep You by Gungor

They could not keep you in a tent
They could not keep you in a temple
or any of their idols, to see and understand

We cannot keep you in a church
We cannot keep you in a bible
or just another idol to box you in

They could not keep you in their box
we cannot keep you in ours either
You are so much greater

Who is like the Lord
The maker of the heavens
Who dwells with the poor
and He lifts them from the ashes
and He makes them sit with princes
Who is like the Lord

We've tried to keep you in our tents
We've tried to keep you in our temples
We've worshiped all our idols, we want all that to end
We will find you in the streets
We will find you in the prisons
and even in our bibles and churches

Who is like the Lord
The maker of the heavens
Lover of my soul
Who takes me from the ashes
Who heals me of my blindness
Who is like the Lord

Journey Day 281

Today I read something that made my feelings of guilt go away. You see my guilt is not over anything that I have done but instead my guilt stems from my feelings of inadequacy in my relationship with God. I constantly feel like I'm not doing enough, giving enough, making a big enough difference, or spending enough time with God. I constantly struggle with the irrational fear that one day God is going to realize that  I have nothing to offer Him but my brokenness and in that moment, kick me to the curb. Like the pharisees of Jesus's time, I seem to gauge my spiritual growth on how much time, effort, and energy I give to God. And while yes, those things are important and they have a time and a place, sometimes God just wants me to be still with Him and to enjoy His presence. I get so caught up in doing stuff FOR Him that I forget to ENJOY Him. Sometimes I get to this place where I don't feel that Jesus high anymore, and life is ordinary again and I start to freak out a little because I worry that I am losing my love and my intimacy with God. And that is where the guilt starts, that is when I start to go into a frenzy of doing things and reading things all in a futile attempt to regain my "Jesus high". I somehow believe that if I do enough for God my high will come back, but in that moment I forget grace, and it's beauty. I just picture God watching me, and saying "Be still and know that I am God. I will be exalted among the nations. I will be exalted in the Earth. My grace is sufficient for you, my power is made completely perfect in your weaknesses. Just be still." Good ol' Oswald Chambers reminded me that there comes a time in your relationship with God where you are intimate enough, in love enough and strong enough to experience the "emptiness" of a regular ol life. Before this point our faith had become dependent on feelings and the blessings we receive, but the true question is when you are just living your life and it's just you and God living in reality will you still depend on Him? When the high is gone do you still pray and seek His face, or do you just depend on the emotions and blessings to get you through? When it seems that outward blessings are gone is God still your sustainer? The seasons where you don't feel that high don't have to be times of spiritual dryness! Maybe God is perfecting your faith so you can truly do HIS will and not your own. And that my friends is why my guilt is gone! Maybe right now God is just teaching me how to depend on Him without all the bells and whistles of feelings and emotions. Maybe God is making my faith permanent. He's showing me that yes, He is there in the good times, but more importantly He is there through the everyday and the mundane. Reality can't always be a Jesus high, but God is always going to be there and He's always going to be leading my steps! And you know what? I don't have to strive all the time... sometimes it's ok to just be still and enjoy my everyday journey with the lover of my soul. Because God doesn't call us to a life of chains, burden and guilt, He calls us to abundant freedom.

Journey Day 280

So my church started this thing called Invasion 420. Basically everyday in April, at 4:20pm our whole church is supposed to stop what they are doing and pray for 6 specific things! Monday we pray for the lost. Tuesday we pray for our family. Wednesday we pray for friends. Thursday we pray for leaders, Friday we pray for the weak, poor and oppressed. Finally on Saturday we pray for ourselves, mostly to pray that through this whole month our hearts and lives will be changed! I'm pretty gosh darn excited! I just love that place. One of the songs we used for worship today was "Desert Song" by Hillsong. During the lowest time in my life I used to sing the chorus,"all of my life, in every season, you are still God, I have a reason to sing, I have a reason to worship!" over and over, sometimes through tears, and it would always slowly but surely make me feel better. So thus that song will always have a special place in my heart!

Desert Song by Hillsong
This is my prayer in the desert
and all that's within me feels dry
This is my prayer in my hunger and need
My God is the God who provides 

And this is my prayer in the fire
In weakness or trial or pain
There is a faith proved 
Of more worth than gold 
So refine me Lord through the flames

And I will bring praise
I will bring praise
No weapon formed against me shall remain 

I will rejoice
I will declare
God is my victory and he is here

And this is my prayer in the battle
When triumph is still on its way
I am a conqueror and co-heir with Christ
So firm on His promise I'll stand 

All of my life 
In every season 
You are still God 
I have a reason to sing 
I have a reason to worship 

This is my prayer in the harvest
When favor and providence flow
I know I'm filled to be emptied again 
The seed I've received I will sow

Journey Day 279

Today I went antiquing, and it was AWESOME! We literally wandered 3 different stores for hours and hours. Each store had multiple floors filled with untold treasures! Easily the best Saturday I've had in a really long time. And I've also started listening to a new radio station. I used to listen to the local christian contemporary station, and now I'm gonna try some good ol' NPR so I can start to actually know what is going on outside of my college bubble. So overall life is good, God is good, my night was good and it's time for bed! : ) Goodnight friends!

Journey Day 278

So yesterday I was feeling extra overwhelmed, so I jumped in my car and drove to Peaksview Park to just sit and read. Mostly I think I drove there because it's like 20ish minutes from my house so I could have the car ride to think. As I was driving I talked to my mom and I'm so glad I did! She gave me some awesome advice and reminded me of what God thinks of me. It doesn't matter how other people define me, all that matters is how God sees me and God sees me as His child that he loves. For example, Isaiah 62:5, "As a young man marries a young woman, so will your builder marry you; as a bridegroom rejoices over his bride, so will your God rejoice over you." and Jeremiah 1:5, "Before I formed you in the womb I knew you, before you were born I set you apart..." and one of my absolute faves, Zephaniah 3:17, "The Lord your God is with you, He is mighty to save, He takes great delight in you, He will quiet you with His love, He rejoices over you with singing." and Isaiah 43:25, "I, even I, am He who blots out your transgressions or My own sake; and I will not remember your sins." So yes, I have flaws and faults aplenty, BUT God loves me just the same! And He takes great delight in me and blots out my transgressions! I may be completely imperfect but it doesn't matter, God loves me anyway! That's not to say that I shouldn't strive to be a better person, after all that's what my whole journey is about, but even when I stumble and fall God loves me anyways. When I feel worthless, or like a failure God loves me just the same! His love never leaves me nor forsakes me. As Lamentations 3:22-23 says, "Because of the Lord's great love we are not consumed, for his compassions never fail. They are new every morning; great is your faithfulness."