Journey day 33

Tonight I watched "Letters from Juliet" and it was cute, and corny, and .... depressing! The hero was a sweet, kind, loving and misunderstood guy, who won the love of the heroine! It sounds lovely, I know, but I just feel like a guy like that doesn't exist. He was passionate about her, he wanted her, and all he wanted was to be with her. I guess I just feel like I haven't seen any sign of a guy like that ever existing! Is romance dead? Do I have to resign myself to that fact? That thought makes my heart hurt. I feel like God romances me, he paints me a beautiful sky, and he doesn't just bring me flowers he makes them grow all around me. Is it so crazy for me to hope for a guy that loves me like that? Is it that far fetched? I don't know whether to hold onto my dream of God bringing me a man who will romance me, and be passionate about me, or if I need to be realistic and just let go of that. I don't want to constantly be settling though, I want God's best, but I also don't want to hold onto an impossible dream. I hope that romance isn't dead, I hope that God brings this incredibly passionate, loving man to me when the time is right, and I hope I don't settle for anything short of that. But even if it isn't God's plan for me to have that, I will always have the ultimate romancer, and He is the Creator and Savior of the world, and the lover of my soul, so really I am one lucky chick! : )

Journey Day 32!!

I love productive days! They always make me feel better. I unpacked from my trip home, and I cleaned my bathroom, I was able to check a bunch of stuff off my to do list, and even made some money, which is just the best feeling! The best part of the day was the time I got to spend with God. It wasn't as much as it should have been, but it was inspiring and convicting, which is exactly what I needed! I read 2 Timothy tonight, and it is chock full of incredible information! Something God has been teaching me, slowly and gently, is to watch my words. I tend to put my foot in my mouth, but He is teaching me to watch my words and speak gently! 2 Timothy 2:16 says, "Avoid godless chatter, because those who indulge in it will become more and more ungodly." My goal through this journey is to become more Godly, not less, so I have to learn the weight of my words, and live by the saying, "if you don't have anything nice to say, don't say anything at all." Proverbs 15:1 says, "A gentle word turns away wrath, but a harsh word stirs up anger." I want to be a woman of gentleness! "Flee the evil desires of youth, and pursue righteousness, faith, love, and peace, along with those who call on the Lord out of a pure heart."(2 Timothy 2:22) I am far from perfect, and watching my words is still a working progress, but I am dedicated to becoming a woman of God! My journey is difficult and exhausting, but I love every minute of the growth I am experiencing! Goodnight world! Enjoy your night, and enjoy what God has given you!

Journey Day 31

Wow. Day 31! A whole month of trying to change my life for the better! I feel like so far, I've made some great changes, and I feel closer to God then I have ever felt! The only way I can describe it is that I feel full. I simply feel complete!! I have this overwhelming sense of peace, and it's just like the bible says, "And the peace of God, which passes all understanding, will guard your hearts and minds in Christ Jesus." (Philippians 4:7) Every single day I feel overwhelmed by the love of God! Obviously every day isn't perfect, and it's a constant struggle against my sinful nature, but I am making better decisions, and getting my priorities straight! I am learning to love the woman God created me to be! I love my life, I love my friends, and most of all I love my God! : )

Journey Day 30

Something extremely exciting happened this weekend, one of my dearest and closest friends got engaged!!!! I am so beyond excited for her!! She has had a really tough couple of weeks lately, and this is exactly what she needed! Their engagement story is beautiful, and the best part is that God was a part of it! They went down to a dock in the community her family lives in and he did it there while they watched the Sun rise. But the coolest part was that he prefaced it with Proverbs 31, which in his bible was titled "The Ultimate Wife". He read it to her, talking about how she was that for him. It's so encouraging to see a couple make God a part of their relationship!

Proverbs 31

Epilogue: The Wife of Noble Character

¹⁰ A wife of noble character who can find?
She is worth far more than rubies.

¹¹ Her husband has full confidence in her
and lacks nothing of value.

¹² She brings him good, not harm,
all the days of her life.

¹³ She selects wool and flax
and works with eager hands.

¹⁴ She is like the merchant ships,
bringing her food from afar.

¹⁵ She gets up while it is still dark;
she provides food for her family
and portions for her servant girls.

¹⁶ She considers a field and buys it;
out of her earnings she plants a vineyard.

¹⁷ She sets about her work vigorously;
her arms are strong for her tasks.

¹⁸ She sees that her trading is profitable,
and her lamp does not go out at night.

¹⁹ In her hand she holds the distaff
and grasps the spindle with her fingers.

²⁰ She opens her arms to the poor
and extends her hands to the needy.

²¹ When it snows, she has no fear for her household;
for all of them are clothed in scarlet.

²² She makes coverings for her bed;
she is clothed in fine linen and purple.

²³ Her husband is respected at the city gate,
where he takes his seat among the elders of the land.

²⁴ She makes linen garments and sells them,
and supplies the merchants with sashes.

²⁵ She is clothed with strength and dignity;
she can laugh at the days to come.

²⁶ She speaks with wisdom,
and faithful instruction is on her tongue.

²⁷ She watches over the affairs of her household
and does not eat the bread of idleness.

²⁸ Her children arise and call her blessed;
her husband also, and he praises her:

²⁹ "Many women do noble things,
but you surpass them all."

³⁰ Charm is deceptive, and beauty is fleeting;
but a woman who fears the LORD is to be praised.

³¹ Give her the reward she has earned,
and let her works bring her praise at the city gate.

Journey Day 28

Your Grace Is Enough

Great is Your faithfulness oh God
You wrestle with the sinner's heart
You lead us by still waters and to mercy
And nothing can keep us apart

So remember Your people
Remember Your children
Remember Your promise
Oh God

Your grace is enough
Your grace is enough
Your grace is enough for me

Great is Your love and justice God
You use the weak to lead the strong
You lead us in the song of Your salvation
And all Your people sing along

So remember Your people
Remember Your children
Remember Your promise
Oh God

Your grace is enough
Your grace is enough
Your grace is enough for me (x2)

So remember Your people
Remember Your children
Remember Your promise
Oh God

Your grace is enough
Your grace is enough
Your grace is enough for me

Your grace is enough
Heaven reaching down to us
Your grace is enough for me
God i see your grace is enough
I'm covered in your love
Your grace is enough for me
For me

Sometimes, like tonight, I need to be reminded that God's grace is enough. No matter how many times I screw up, or make mistakes, God's grace is enough! It's such a comforting thought , that I am covered by God's grace and love. My life verse is 2 Corinthians 12:9 "But he said to me, 'My grace is sufficient for you, my power is made perfect in weakness.' Therefore I will boast all the more gladly about my weaknesses, so that Christ's power may rest on me." God knows I am weak, but he is strong, and so he uses my weaknesses and my screw ups to show the beauty of his redemption! If there is anything I have learned this past month, it is the beauty and strength of the redemption of God! Gnight world, sleep tight, don't let the bed bugs bite : )

Journey Day 27

Let That Be Enough by Switchfoot

I wish I had what I need
To be on my own
'Cause I feel so defeated
And I'm feeling alone

And it all seems so helpless
And I have no plans
I'm a plane in the sunset
With nowhere to land

And all I see
It could never make me happy And all my sand castles
Spend their time collapsing

Let me know that You hear me
Let me know Your touch
Let me know that You love me
Let that be enough

It's my birthday tomorrow
No one here could now
I was born this Thursday
22 years ago

And I feel stuck
Watching history repeating
Yeah, who am I?
Just a kid who knows he's needy

Let me know that You hear me
Let me know Your touch
Let me know that You love me
And let that be enough

This song expresses exactly how I have been feeling. Let me know that you love me Lord, let me know your touch, and let that be enough!!

Journey Day 26

Give Me Your Eyes

Looked down from a broken sky
Traced out by the city lights
My world from a mile high
Best seat in the house tonight
Toucehd down on the cold black tile
Hold on for the sudden stop
Breath in the familliar shock
Of confusion and chaos
Are these people going somewhere?
Why have I never cared?

Give me your eyes for just one second
Give me your eyes so I can see
Everything that I keep missing
Give me your love for humanity
Give me your arms for the broken hearted
The ones that are far beyond my reach
Give me your heart for the one forgotten
Give me you eyes so I can see

Step out on a busy street
See a girl and our eyes meet
Does her best to smile at me
To hide whats underneath
There's a man just to her right
Black suit and a bright red tie
Too ashamed to tell his wife
He's out of work
He's buying time
Are these people going somewhere?
Why have I never care?

chorus

I've been there a million times a couple of million eyes
Just moving past me by
I swear I never though I was wrong
Well I want a second glance
So give me a second chance
To see the way you see the people all alone

Chorus

Lately God has been reminding me of the hurting people in the world. Whether it be people overseas or people in my own community. There are so many people that are lost, and don't know the saving grace they can find in Jesus. The best way to tell people about God is to show him to them. There are so many different ways that we can show people the love of Christ thorugh our actions! One way is to donate money to charities or clothing to goodwill. You can also volunteer your time. There are organizations that need your help! I'm hoping that I can voluteer at the God Parent Home, which is a center for unwed mothers. It would be such a blessing for me, and hopefully a blessing for them! Also there are awesome mission trip opportunities! There are people all over the world who haven't even heard his nameIt's our job and our honor to spread his name and goodness to the whole earth! I am prayerfully considering where I should go this coming winter! It's high time I do my part in spreading the message of God's grace! How can I keep it to myself? His power is redeeming and his love is transforming! That is something to share with the world!!

Matthew 28:19-20
"Therefore go and make disciples of all nations, baptizing them in the name of the Father and of the Son and of the Holy Spirit, and teaching them to obey everything I have commanded you. And surely I am with you always, to the very end of the age."

Journey Day 25

So I know I'm getting better because for the first time, in a very long time, my family can see I'm happy again! They see a difference and the most exciting part is that the happiness is all because of Jesus! It's so encouraging when the changes you have made are causing a noticeable difference! Christ "touched my heavy heart and made it light." There have never been truer words than that. When I was driving home today, "By Your Side" by Tenth Avenue North played on the radio and it brought me to tears! So I posted the lyrics here for your reading pleasure : ) I hope God speaks to you in an incredible way dear ones!!

By Your Side

Why are you striving these days
Why are you trying to earn grace
Why are you crying
Let me lift up your face
Just don't turn away

Why are you looking for love
Why are you still searching as if I'm not enough
To where will you go child
Tell me where will you run
To where will you run

And I'll be by your side
Wherever you fall
In the dead of night
Whenever you call
And please don't fight
These hands that are holding you
My hands are holding you

Look at these hands and my side
They swallowed the grave on that night
When I drank the world's sin
So I could carry you in
And give you life
I want to give you life

(Chorus 2x)

Cause I, I love you
I want you to know
That I, I love you
I'll never let you go

(Chorus 2x)

Journey Day 24 part b

Came to My Rescue

Falling On My Knees In Worship
giving All I Am To Seek Your Face
lord All I Am Is Yours

my Whole Life
i Place In Your Hands
god Of Mercy
humbled I Bow Down
in Your Presence At Your Throne

i Called You Answered
and You Came To My Rescue And I
i Wanna Be Where You Are

in My Life Be Lifted High
in Our World Be Lifted High
in Our Love Be Lifted High

Journey Day 24

You Are Beautiful! I thought that was something you should hear : ) In fact I think it's something God wants you to hear each and every single day. He says, "Beloved I made you exactly how you should be. Remember dear one, I don't make mistakes, you are beautiful because I made you, and I am beauty." Psalm 45:11 says, "The king is enthralled by your beauty; honor him, for he is your Lord." And the best part of our physical beauty is that it is a reflection of the likeness of our Savior! Beauty can't be defined, it can't be put in a box. Each person has a beauty that is all their own, just waiting to be unveiled. Who am I to question the way God made me? "Does a clay pot argue with it's maker? Does the clay dispute with the one who shapes it, saying stop you're doing it wrong." Does the pot exclaim, "How clumsy can you be?"(Isaiah 45:9) God is perfect, so he doesn't make mistakes, so one would then come to the conclusion that because God doesn't make mistakes, and he made us, then we are exactly how God created us to be. And when we trust in him he will create us into a people after his own heart. Don't listen to the world when it tells you that you are anything less than fabulous. God made you, and he did an amazing job!! : )

Journey Day 23

There are so many verses in the bible about brokenness, and what God does when we are broken. Job 5:18 says, "For he wounds, but he binds up, he shatters, but his hands heal." When I read this verse there is a beautiful picture that is painted in my head. I see a broken person on the ground, obviously distressed, and then I see God scoop them up in his hands and just cover them. He covers them from the stress, and pain of their life, and shows them his love. He binds up their wounds and heals their every pain. But he also knows that sometimes pain is the only way to get our attention, it's the only way we will remember who we need to turn to, and who can save us! And then in Matthew 5:4 it says, "Blessed are those who mourn, for they will be comforted." We are reminded that we have a special privilege and promise, that when we are sad or heartbroken, the creator of the universe is right there, to take our side and dry our eyes. Often we are so short sighted, and we can't see beyond our pain to what God has planned! I to am guilty of this, I allow myself to get caught up in the pain, and sometimes even wallow around in it, throwing a good ol pity party, and then, suddenly out of nowhere, there is a whisper, "Watch me and be amazed." And there, in that moment, I am reminded that God's plan is bigger and better then I can even fathom, and even though I can't see it yet, there is a reason for hurt, there is a reason for heartbreak, and there is a reason for every desert God brings us through. And the best part is that God is holding our hand through all of it, reminding us day by day that he is there, and that he is control. It's so refreshing and freeing, when you know that everything is going to be ok, simply because Jesus is there, and he is ready and willing to use you, a flawed heartbroken human, to bring people to his Kingdom. The most encouraging thing in my life, and in my journey is that God is going to use me, that I get to be his hands and his feet, and that while I'm single I am able to be completely devoted to him! And he will continue to dry my every tear, and heal my every wound. Blessed be his name!!!!

Journey Day 22

Wow, I started this incredible journey 22 whole days ago! I already feel so different, and closer to God! I decided to start reading different Christian books to help me with my journey. I'm starting off with a book called Ms Understood: Rebuilding the Feminine Equation. It's a book about discovering who God says I am, and what God created women to be. Some of it is a tad questionable... but some of it is so true and so refreshing! Right now I'm reading about Rahab, who as some people may know is my all time favorite bible character (after Jesus OF COURSE!). I want to name my daughter after her, and whenever I tell someone that they say "Isn't she the harlot?" or "Don't you know she is a prostitute?!" And yes she is all of that, but she is obviously SO much more. She is mentioned about 10 times in the bible for her great faith! In James she is mentioned with the likes of men like Abraham, for having incredible faith. When Joshua and his men were invading Jericho she allowed them to come and take shelter in her home. She knew that she could get in serious trouble for doing this, but it didn't matter to her! She trusted God, and trusted that he would protect her and protect the men that she was aiding. Even when she was questioned by the king she remained strong, and sent them in another direction. There was so much danger that went along with her protecting them that we don't even think about. What if there were people watching her home? It would have meant trouble for her and her family, and for the men staying with her. But Rahab knew that God was in control. God knew she would be a strong and worthy ally to have, and was willing to look past her sins to use her! She is proof of the courage that exists within women. Men may have combat, but threaten what a woman loves and you will see a whole new side of her! When we as women forget this, so many will suffer, because we have an irreplaceable role that is calling to us; one that when combined with the skill of men is a formidable opponent for anything that may threaten our relationships, our passions, and our relationship with God. Rahab can teach us strength, courage, and faith. Despite everything she did God blessed her, and incredibly enough made her a part of the lineage of his Son! Rahab is a woman to be honored, and revered. She can inspire us to be courageous in the face of imminent harm, and to have faith even when everything around us tells us to give up. Her story paints an incredible picture of the forgiveness and grace that God gives us, and the good he can do through us, even when it seems like we aren't capable of anything good or worthy. This post is a little long and a little wordy, but the grace of God seems to continually overwhelm me more and more every day.

Journey Day 21

It's incredible to me how God uses weak and flawed people to further his kingdom! Look at the story of Tamar and Judah. Judah's heart was hard towards Tamar. He promised to give her his youngest son once he came of age. Years passed and Tamar grew older and father from child bearing age, and Judah never came with his son. You can see how this would be frustrating for Tamar, because she knew that the son was old enough, so when she was informed that Judah would be passing through, she began to scheme and plot. She waited on the side of the road for him in veiled disguise...aka she was dressed like a prostitute. He didn't recognize her and propositioned her, "Come now, let me sleep with you."(Genesis 38:15b) She asked him what he would give and he said a young goat. Back then this was big money! She asked that he leave her his seal and cord and staff as collateral until the goat arrived. Judah agreed, they did the dirty and as Genesis 30 tells us, "She became pregnant by him." When Judah heard her eggo was preggo, he declared she be burned, because she must be a prostitute! (Oh the irony!) Luckily Tamar was a very bright woman and had thought ahead! She pulled out his belongings and says, "See if you recognize whose seal and cord and staff these are." Judah realized what happened and finally in a moment of conviction says, "She is more righteous than I." Let's be honest here, prostitution really isn't the best way to go about getting what she was rightfully hers, but God knew her heart and he blessed her because of her faithfulness! She is a part of the line of Jesus, and I feel like that says something! God used her in her weakness to bring about the birth of the Savior of the world! He even changed Judah's heart and used him! Jesus is often referred to as the lion of the tribe of Judah. Despite all Judah had done God forgave him, and used him! Think of the story of Rahab, a prostitute! She wasn't just pretending to be one to get a baby, she really was a prostitute! However she has faith in God, and helped his men and was rewarded greatly! She is also a part of the lineage of Christ! If we look through all of Jesus's ancestors, we discover a flawed group of people, with one thing in common, faith in God and his goodness. If God can use prostitutes and schemers to bring about the birth of his Son who saved the world, how much more can use us and our faults to show the love of Christ to his beloved and lost children. My life verse is 2 Corinthians 12:9, "But he said to me, 'My grace is sufficient for you, my power is made perfect in weakness.' Therefore I will boast all the more gladly about my weaknesses, so that Christ's power may rest on me." The best part is that God's track record reflects this verse, his power is always shown to be perfect in our weaknesses. What a relief, God longs for perfection from us, but he knows we are flawed and cannot be, so he extends us mercy and grace in our life. What an encouragement these stories can be!

Journey Day 19

"Beautiful One"

Wonderful, so wonderful
Is Your unfailing love
Your cross has spoken mercy over me
No eye has seen, no ear has heard
No heart could fully know
How glorious, how beautiful you are!

Beautiful One I love You
Beautiful One I adore
Beautiful One my soul must sing

Powerful, so powerful
Your glory fills the skies
Your mighty works displayed for all to see
The beauty of Your majesty
Awakes my heart to sing
How marvellous, how wonderful You are

You opened my eyes to Your wonders anew
You captured my heart with this love
Because nothing on earth is as beautiful as You

My soul, my soul must sing
My soul, my soul must sing
My soul, my soul must sing
Beautiful One

Journey Day 18

There is a popular myth in the Christian community, that if you are single then you are not where you're supposed to be. That if you are single, there is something wrong with you. That somehow we are incomplete because we don't have a 'significant other'. "Incompleteness is not the result of being single, but of not being full of Jesus." I am complete because Jesus completes me! "You were not created to complete another, but to complement. Completion is Jesus' responsibility and complementing is a woman's privilege." I was not created to complete nor can I believe that any person can complete me. I am complete by my savior alone. Being single means I have more unrestricted time with my friends and family, and most importantly more time to spend on my relationship with God. Growing closer to him, and getting to know the lover of my soul! Being single is a blessing far above what I deserve and I never could have fathomed how important this time would be for me! In fact I know that through this time God will bless my life for years to come! Being single is just a part of my journey towards becoming a woman of Christ-like character!

Journey Day 17

This song is my prayer. It was on of the songs I would sing to myself during the hardest time in my life and it always helped me concentrate on my relationship with God.

Desert Song

This is my prayer in the desert

When all that's within me runs dry

This is my prayer in my hunger and need

My God is the God who provides

And this is my prayer in the fire

In weakness or trial or pain

There is a faith proved of more worth than Gold

So refine me Lord through the flames

And I will bring praise

I will bring praise

No weapon formed against me shall remain

I will rejoice

I will declare

God is my victory and he is here

And this is my prayer in the battle

When triumph is still on it's way

I am a conquerer and co-heir with Christ

So firm on his promise I'll stand

All of my life

In very season

You are still God

I have a reason to sing

I have a reason to worship

This is my prayer in the harvest

When favor and providence flow

I know I'm filled to be emptied again

The seed I've received I will sow

In a journey towards Christ-like character it's so important to remember that no matter what God is still God, and that is reason enough to have joy, and worship God. Regardless of our circumstances God is in control!

Journey Day 16 part 2

I've felt kind of down the last few days. Kind of anti social and awkward. I'm hoping it's just PMDD. Ah me, life is so filled with its ups and downs. As much as I'd love for life to be filled with only ups, but it's the low points in life that grow me, and change me for the better. Even though they are hard, the ends justify the means. I know that I will be better because of it, its during these times that I can trust in God the most! It's in the desert times that I can turn to God! Just like in Hosea when God took away all the things distracting "Israel". Sometimes he needs to bring us through the desert to bring us closer to him, and I am willing to go there to be closer to my God!

Journey Day 16

It's been over 2 weeks since my journey began. I feel so different, like God is truly changing me. Romans 12:2 says, "Do not conform any longer to the pattern of this world, but be transformed by the renewing of your mind. Then you will be able to test and approve what God's will is--his good, pleasing and perfect will." When I renew my mind by staying close to God and reading his word, I have a better understanding of his goodness, and of his will for my life. Since I have started my journey I have felt more confident in my relationship with God. It has opened my eyes to some of my friendships, and what they are founded on. There are still more changes that need to be made, more advancements in my relationship with God, and more hard decisions but knowing that I have the King of the universe on my side is definitely a comfort. God is good all the time, all the time God is good!!

Journey Day 14

The most exciting thing happened tonight! I was sitting in my living room, thinking about how I had nothing to write about, when a friend imed me on facebook. I hadn't talked to her in a while, and so we were doing the basic catch up... "what have you been up to lately, where are you working" and finally "any guys in the picture?" I would think that I would dread that question, but I had an amazing amount of peace. I was excited to tell her how content I was. And that I knew being single was exactly where I was suppose to be! Knowing that I am where I should be, and I'm doing what I should be is so encouraging! I love being content! Of course sometimes I have moments of weakness, where my contentment lags, but even then I seek God and his word to fill me! Being with God and in God's word is the best place I've ever been, and I can't wait to continue being there.

"When I Go Down"

I'll tell you flat out
It hurts so much to think of this
So from my thoughts I will exclude
The very thing that
I hate more than everything is
The way I'm powerless
To dictate my own moods

I've thrown away
So many things that could've been much more
And I just pray
My problems go away if they're ignored
But that's not the way it works
No that's not the way it works

When I go down
I go down hard
And I take everything I've learned
And teach myself some disregard
When I go down
It hurts to hit the bottom
And of the things that got me there
I think, if only I had fought them

If and when I can
Clear myself of this clouded mind
I'll watch myself settle down
Into a place where
Peace can search me out and find
That I'm so ready to be found

I've thrown away
The hope I had in friendships
I've thrown away
So many things that could have been much more
I've thrown away
The secret to find an end to this
And I just pray
My problems go away if they're ignored
But that's not the way it works
No that's not the way it works

Any control I thought I had just slips right through my hands
While my ever-present conscience shakes its head and reprimands me
Reprimands me
Then and there
I confess
I'll blame all this on my selfishness
Yet you love me
And that consumes me
And I'll stand up again
And do so willingly

You give me hope, and hope it gives me life
You touch my heavy heart, and when you do you make it light
As I exhale I hear your voice
And I answer you, though I hardly make a noise
And from my lips the words I choose to say
Seem pathetic, but it's fallen man's praise
Because I love you
Oh God, I love you
And life is now worth living
If only because of you
And when they say that I'm dead and gone
It won't be further from the truth

When I go down
I lift my eyes to you
I won't look very far
Cause you'll be there
With open arms
To lift me up again
To lift me up again

journey day 13

Do you ever get to the point where you have so many thoughts running around your brain that you don't even know what to think? That is where I am at. I am feeling so many things, and thinking so many things, that my brain is on overload! Half the time I'm completely at peace with where I am with my relationship with God, and then half the time my heart is yearning for someone to be with. I want so badly for God to be enough, but sometimes I still miss my ex boyfriend. Little things will remind me of him and it makes my heart hurt. I want so badly to be over him, and to forget about him, but he was my best friend and I loved him. I know that I have to put that on the back burner and seek my contentment in Jesus. There is a song by Relient K that is extremely pertinent to the way Im feeling. It's called "I need you". It describes a yearning for a relationship God, and our deep need for him to save us, and for him to be our security.

"I Need You"

I've dug up miles and miles of sand
Searching for something I can't see
And I've just got bruised and battered hands
And a brand new void inside of me
Complete with walls I did create
From all the earth that I've displaced
A mess that I have made from what
I've just let pile and pile up
I have not been abandoned, no I have not been
Deserted and I have not been forgotten

I need you
I need you here
I need you now
I need security somehow
I need you
Like you would not believe
You're the only thing I want
Cause you're everything I need

Explore the cave that is my chest
A torch reveals there's nothing left
Your whispers echo off the walls
And you can hear my distant calls
The voice of who I used to be
Screaming out "someone, someone please
Please shine a light into the black
Wade through the depths and bring me back

I have not been abandoned, no I have not been
Deserted and I have not been forgotten

I need you
I need you here
I need you now
I need security somehow
I need you
Like you would not believe
You're the only thing I want
Cause you're everything I need

When my hopes seem to dangle
Somewhere just beyond my reach
You say you've heard my prayers
And read my words there on the beach

I need you
I need you here
I need you now
I need security somehow
I need you
Like you would not believe
You're the only thing I want
Cause you're everything I need

An important part of my journey is learning and embracing my need for Jesus, and his saving grace. He's the only thing I want, cause he's everything I need.

Journey Day 12

"Though he brings grief he will show compassion, so great is his unfailing love." My heart has been so achey the past couple of days. The only thing that has given me comfort has been God's word, especially lamentations 3:32! Even though I am sad, I know that God shows me compassion and loves me. He has plans for me, to prosper and a hope for my life. He will heal all my wounds, even the ones that are cut the deepest. He will restore my life again, and give me incredible strength. "Blessed are those who mourn, for they will be comforted." (Matthew 5:4) He binds up my wounds and takes my sadness upon himself. Although sometimes I still hurt, I can remind myself of God and his love and I am comforted. The idea that God knows what's best for me, and has an awesome plan for my life, is such an incredible comfort in my journey towards a heart after his own heart; one that reflects his love and compassion. My relationship with God is such an amazing blessing, and my prayer is that he will deepen my relationship with him. My relationship with him is truly becoming my most important relationship, which is exactly where I want to be!

Journey Day 11

Let it All Out- Relient K

Let it all out

Get it all out

Rip it out, remove it

Don't be alarmed

When the wound begins to bleed

Cause we're so scared to find out

What this life's all about

So scared we're gonna lose it

Not knowing all along

That's exactly what we need

And today I will trust you with the confidence

Of a man who's never known defeat

But tomorrow, upon hearing what I did

I will stare at you in disbelief

Oh, inconsistent me

Crying out for consistency

And you said I know that this will hurt

But if I don't break your heart then things will just get worse

If the burden seems too much to bear

Remember, the end will justify the pain it took to get us there

And I'll let it be known

Times I have shown

Signs of all my weakness

but somewhere in me

There is strength

And you promise me

That you believe

In time I will defeat this

Cause somewhere in me

There is strength

And today I will trust you with the confidence

of man who's never known defeat

And I'll try my best

To just forget

That that man isn't me

Reach out to me

Make my heart brand new

Every beat will be for you

For you

And I know you know

You touched my life

When you touched my heavy heart

And it light

“As for God, his way is perfect; the word of the LORD is flawless. He is a shield for all who take refuge in him....(and) It is God who arms me with strength and makes my way perfect. He makes my feet like the feet of a deer; he enables me to stand on the heights.”- Psalm 18:30 & 33

Journey Day 10

Today was literally the most tiring day of my life, but totally worth it! One of my closest friends got kicked out of her apartment, and I was able to help her move out. I was suppose to work, but I was able to get a friend to take my shift for me. I really needed the money, but I was able to keep my priorities straight because really people are always more important than money. My friends and family will always mean more to me than money. I was able to learn an extremely important lesson through everything. I see God constantly working on my character and it is so encouraging to see and feel! It's been an incredibly exhausting day so I'm going to head to bed now, goodnight blogging world : )

journey day 9

Day's never seem to turn out the way you think they will. One of the things that has been stressing me out has been money... well mostly my lack of money. I have been extremely stressed an worried if I would even have the money for gas. I was so worried that I almost forgot that God is in control and I really don't have to actually worry. So I gave my fear back to God, and let the peace that passes all understanding take over my heart. And I'm so glad I did, cause I got to see God work! Every once in a blue moon, as a cashier, I'll get a tip. Usually it's just a dollar or two, and I'm more than grateful for that! But today I got a 10 dollar tip for my first order. It was such an incredible blessing and answer to prayer! It's so fantastic when you get to see a prayer answered, and so quickly at that! It makes God so real, and so present! It was exactly the kind of Godly encouragement I needed, especially when my personal life has had some discouraging moments. Matthew 29-31 says, "Are not two sparrows sold for a penny? Yet not one of them will fall to the ground apart from the will of your father. And even the very hairs of your head are all numbered. So do not be afraid, you are worth more than many sparrows." The bible is full of reminders that God has got our back, and that we are worth so much to him! I don't need to worry or be scared, because I am worth so much to God. He knows my needs and wants and even my hearts desires. perhaps one of the best reminders in the bible is Matthew 11:28-30, "Come to me, all who are weary and burdened, and I will give you rest. Take my yoke upon you and learn from me, for I am gentle and humble in heart, and you will find rest for your souls. For my yoke is easy and my burden is light." What a beautiful picture! When I am weary and burdened God will give me rest. When my soul is exhausted and I feel like I can't go on any longer, God gives me strength! He is an amazing, loving God, and I am so blessed to be called his child!

Journey Day 6

I love summer. It's so fantastic, fun and free! I have an amazing group of friends, some incredibly encouraging, some not so much. But tonight I hung out with the encouraging ones. They are hilarious and fun, and I can just be myself around them. We had multiple Walmart runs, multiple laughs, and multiple deep conversations. One of our many deep conversations was about how guys just don't have the capacity to be single. My friend A says that for guys, being in a relationship is confidence building. In other words it makes them feel fulfilled and worthwhile. During this conversation it was made incredibly real to me that I am actually incredibly content in my relationship with God. God makes me feel loved and fulfilled and worthwhile. He gives me confidence and makes me feel important. He is more than enough for me, and more than enough for anyone else. My heart breaks for anyone that is seeking that in another human being, because no human can complete another human being. It was so encouraging for me to really know that I don't need to be in a relationship. I am content with my life. I feel like I am on the right track towards a life filled with God and led by God. I love that I feel more and more complete by God each and every day! I am learning to delight in who God is because as it says in Lady in Waiting, "A woman with a pure heart for God does not focus on what He gives, but delights in who He is."