Journey Day 398

Today in church we sang "How He Loves", and I was standing there with my arms lifted high singing "Oh how He loves us so, Oooh how He loves us, how He loves us all." and "We are His portion and He is our prize, drawn to redemption by the grace in His eyes." and out of nowhere it hit me... God loves ME! I mean I've heard this over and over again, but I think for a while now I stopped believing it. Not on purpose, and not consciously, but it happened. I got so caught up in feeling guilty about my depression, guilty about not going to China, guilty about not doing enough for God, guilty about being a bad friend, and guilty about not giving enough time to God that I got it in my head that I was too much of a mess for God to love. I think I had myself convinced that I was unlovable. So today as I was standing in church it hit me like a ton of bricks. God. Loves. Me. No matter what I do, or how many times I mess up God loves me unconditionally. Jon Acuff wrote in his blog "Stuff Christians Like" that often the God in our head is a mean God, and He wants to take away all the good things in our life, but in reality God is a God of love and a God of healing. The God in my head turned His back on me, and stopped loving me because I am such a mess... but the God in reality is holding my hand through the valley, and His heart breaks for me when He sees me broken. He demonstrates that love over and over in the bible. The book of the bible that best shows God's crazy awesome love for us is Jeremiah. God's people had turned their back on Him, but instead of Him leaving them and forgetting about them He  said "For I know the plans I have for you, declares the Lord, plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you a hope and a future." I love that last part... "plans to give you a hope and a future." It reminds me that even if what I'm going through in the moment is hard, God has a plan for my life. There is hope even when I might feel hopeless. No matter what I do. God. loves. me. I don't know about you, that was the reminder I needed. "I don't have time to maintain these regrets when I think about the way HE LOVES US."

Journey Day 396

Here are my dreams and goals for this year

- Excel in my classes 

- Find another PR opportunity

- Make a budget and stick to it

- Go to Nashville, Tennessee

- Take a weekend to myself in a cabin in the woods

- GRADUATE

- Get an internship

- Find a small group 

- Get plugged in at church

- Look for/find serving opportunities

- Find an older woman to mentor me

I'm looking forward to a new year with new opportunities. 

Journey Day 382

Confession: I am watching this season of the Bachelorette. I'm not super proud of this fact because it's filled with ridiculous guys and an even more ridiculous girl, but my friend Mary and I seem to just be glued to the screen. I was watching this past week's episode and something that one of the guys that got "let go" said something that really pulled at my heart strings... he said "I just want to love someone unconditionally". Isn't that the heart of all of us? We just want to love and be loved by someone else unconditionally. We want someone to wake up next to, someone to listen to and someone who will listen to us. This is true and romantic and non romantic relationships. I have friends who I know will love me unconditionally, and I have friends that I love unconditionally. It doesn't matter what happens, the love is solid. I think the longing for this type of love stems from our longing for community. We long for people to drink coffee with, laugh with, walk with, talk with, and cry with. We weren't meant to live life alone... we were meant to live a life filled with people and love. So while Ryan of the bachelorette might have a few screws loose, he had it right. There is nothing quite like loving and being loved unconditionally.

Journey Day 378

I'm just sayin... heartbreak sucks. It comes in all kinds of different flavors, but whatever way you slice it, it's just a terrible painful experience. It can be caused by a bad breakup... the one who you thought was THE one changed their mind and now you're left picking up the pieces. It can be caused by the end of a friendship... you both grew, but sadly you grew in different directions. It can be caused by an event, like the passing of a close family member or friend, or even making a mistake that reminds you that maybe you haven't come as far as you thought. Whatever the cause, the pain is real... and it sucks. Sometimes the pain lasts longer than the relationship did, or at least the effects of the pain do. I've been there... more times than I'd like to think about. The odds are that if you're breathing you've experienced heart break too, it seems to be an unfortunate part of the human experience. I wish I had a formula for getting through this ache, but I don't. Instead, each time my heart breaks I cry, I talk it out with my friends, and I remember these verses... "I remember my affliction and my wandering, the bitterness and the gall. I will remember them and my soul is downcast within me. Yet this I call to mind and therefore I have hope: because of the Lord's great love we are not consumed. They are new every morning; great is your faithfulness. I say to myself 'The Lord is my portion, therefore I will wait for Him.' " (Lamentations 3:19-24) I think that these verses were created for the depressed and heartbroken person. It's so easy to throw a pity party, and to let our heartbreak consume us, but instead we have to hope in the Lord, and remember His love for us is GREAT and He will not allow us to be consumed by our emotions and our pain. He is the light at the end of the tunnel, and He is just waiting for us to realize that He is the light of our life.

Journey Day 377

My friend told me about this awesome song called Suitcases by Dara Maclean. It is just so freeing...

Suitcases
How can you move when they're weighing you down
What can you do when you're tied to the ground, yeah
You carry your burdens, heavy like gravity
Just let them go now, there's freedom in release

You can't run when you're holding suitcases
It's a new day throw away your mistakes and open up your heart
Lay down your guard, you don't have to be afraid

Just breathe, your load can be lifted 
There's a better way when you know you're forgiven 
Open up your heart, lay down your guard
You don't have to be afraid

Can you imagine what it's like to be free
Well, send those bags packing, they're not what you need
Abandon your troubles on the side of the street
Just let them go now, believe me

You can't run when you're holding suitcases 
It's a new day throw away your mistakes and open up your heart
Lay down your guard, you don't have to be afraid

Just breathe, your load can be lifted
There's a better way when you know you're forgiven 
Open up your heart, lay down your guard
You don't have to be afraid

There's nothing holding you back now, just run 

You can't run when you're holding suitcases 
It's a new day throw away your mistakes and open up your heart
Lay down your guard, you don't have to be afraid

Just breathe, your load can be lifted
There's a better way when you know you're forgiven 
Open up your heart, lay down your guard
You don't have to be
You don't have to be afraid

Journey Day 376

I've been trying to figure out a way to get more in depth in my bible reading and I found this website that has 5 steps to start a solid study of the bible and they seem like awesome practical steps so I thought I would share them with you! : )

Step 1- Reading:
- develop a plan
- read through the Old Testament once a year, note in the margins any truths to remember and write            down separately anything you odn't immediately understand. Use these questions for more in-depth study.
- for the new testament, read one book at a time on repeat. Start with a shorter book, like 1 John, and read it in it's entirety every day for 30 days. For the longer books, divide them up into sections. For example, John has 21 chapters so you can divide it up into 3 sections, 7 chapters in length. You read each section every day for 30 days. Using this plan you can finish the new testament in less than three years. (Reading through the bible isn't a race or a competition! You want to read it for comprehension) While reading, write down on notecards the major themes of each chapter of the book you are reading. For variety alternate short and long books.

Step 2- Interpreting:
-As you read scripture always keep on question in mind... "What does this mean?"
-Let the Holy Spirit be your teacher, using cross references, comparitive passages, concordances, indexes and other helps.

Step 3- Evaluating:
-Consult others to be sure you have been interpreting correctly, even if it causes you to change what you have always believed.

Step 4- Applying:
-The ultimate goal of a bible study is to let it speak to you and enable you to grow spiritually.
-If there is a command to be obeyed, obey it. If there is a promise to embrace, claim it. If there is a warning to be followed, heed it. Submit to scripture and let it transform your life.

Step 5- Correlating:
- By correlating and cross referencing you begin to build a sound doctrinal foundation on which to live.

Journey Day 374

This was some serious truth I needed today... "So far as the east is from the west so far has He removed our transgressions from us."-Psalm 103:12

I could dwell on my past and on the mistakes I have made in the past... in fact quite often I do... but God has sent my sin as far from me as the east is from the west. It does me no good to think of these things, all I can do is repent and move on, learning all the way. I have a hard time forgiving myself, because I seem to forget that God has already forgiven me. So folks it's time to let go and remember that my sins are gone... God doesn't see them anymore and neither should I. I need to lay them down at the foot of the cross and move forward. Tomorrow is a chance to live like we are truly made new... So lets all take it and let go of the sins that are trying to hold us back! WE ARE MADE NEW!!! : )

Journey Day 373

The past few weeks I have really been struggling with my weaknesses. My life is Romans 7:7-25, especially verses 15-24. It says, "I do not understand what I do. For what I want to do I do not do, but what I hate I do. And if I do what I do not want to do, I agree that the law is good.. As it is, it is no longer I myself who do it, but is is sin living in me. I know that nothing good lives in me, that is, in my sinful nature. For I have the desire to do what is good, but I cannot carry it out. For what I do is not the good I want to do; no, the evil I do not want to do- this I keep on doing. Now if I do what I do not want to do, it is no longer I who do it, but it is sin living in me that does it. So I find this law at work: When I want to do good, evil is right there with me. For in my inner being I delight in God's law; but I see another law at work in the members of my body, waging war against the law of my mind and making me a prisoner of the law of sin at work within my members. What a wretched man I am! Who will rescue me from this body of death?" I know what is right... and yet over and over again I choose to do the wrong thing. No matter how many changes I think God has made in me I seem to continue to make bad decisions and I keep falling flat on my face. I know I am a new creation. But sometimes, quite simply, I feel like the old me. I am really awesome at feeling guilty... in fact I am a pro and Satan feeds off of that and tells me all kinds of lies. "You'll never change. You are a failure, a bad friend and a bad person. This depression your feeling... it defines you and things are never going to get better. Your life is going to be filled with making the same mistakes over and over again." And then in that still small voice I hear, "I delight in you. I will quiet you with my love. I rejoice over you with singing. You will make many mistakes in your life and I will always be there to help you pick up the pieces. I will always be there to love you. My grace is big enough, and strong enough... in fact it is made perfect in your weaknesses. There is nothing you can do to make me stay away from you." Slowly but surely that voice is getting louder and I am getting quieter. And I am beginning to allow myself to bask in the truth that is God's love and grace. I have made and will continue to make more mistakes than I'd like to admit to, but even then God is still God. He is still good and He continues to love me unconditionally. That is a truth I am still having to reconcile myself to... no matter what I do I can't push God away and friends this is a truth I am so so very grateful for.

p.s. you should read Serious Wednesday with Jon Acuff... God is totally using him to encourage and uplift... so go be uplifted : )

Journey Day 368

God is good and I'm not going to China anymore... that friends is my life in summary.