My Identity

Recently it became abundantly clear to me that I do not find my identity in Christ... this is a gigantic problem, because I seek to find my identity in other things, in things that don't and can't fulfill, satisfy, or define me. I put more pressure on my relationships because I am expecting them to give me worth, I expect more from my job, and even ministry because I am trying to find my worth in it, instead of in the Lord. This my friends, is a recipe for disaster. I'm coming to the conclusion that the ministries that I'm a part of will be more effective when I treat it as an opportunity to serve and share the love of God, instead of an opportunity for me to be affirmed. My job will feel less pointless when I view it as the place God has me right now, and a practical way to make money instead of a source of meaning in my life. My relationships will be more free and filled with love when I look to Jesus to give me identity instead of the way my friends and loved ones feel about me. Overall life will just be better when my identity is not dependent on people... but instead dependent on the one who never changes. The one who made me with a plan and purpose in mind. The one who overwhelms me with love and grace. The one who convicts me in gentleness, but never condemns me. I am a daughter of the creator of the world, and He loves me the same yesterday, today and tomorrow... and really nothing else needs to matter.

New Season

I love to write... it's a fact. I just truly enjoy attempting to write my emotions, goals, knowledge, and passions down on paper... or in this case online. There is something so freeing about writing stuff out, I find it to be carthartic. That being said, I've been slacking. I'm not sure why, maybe because I haven't felt inspired, or there has been some writers block... maybe because I got lazy and bogged down by the craziness of life... but probably it's a combination of all of that, and all of those "excuses" are definitely lame. Maybe now is the best time for me to start writing again cause it seems to be the beginning of a new season in my life and in my relationship with God. My current season... the one that seems to be on it's way out, was awesome. I mean I loved almost every minute of it. Last semester was incredibly busy, but incredibly fun. I met new people, started and co-led a life group at my church, went to Africa, moved, and volunteered at a few places around Lynchburg. My relationship with God had been brought to a whole new level, and growth seemed to be a daily part of my life... but... I was exhausted... all the time. I got so caught up in the busyness of all these new things in my life, that I just kept adding things, and adding things, and I got real overwhelmed, real quick. Well this semester started, and life did not seem to be slowing down, in fact if anything it seemed to be speeding up! Exhaustion started to set in, and God made it pretty obvious to me that it was time to cut some stuff out of my life. Let me tell you, this had me shaking in my boots. I loved everything in my life, I loved the people I hung out with, the people I worked with, the organizations I worked for... but I think what I also loved was the affirmation all of these things gave me. They made me feel like I was good for something... in other words I was beginning to find my identity in those things instead of in my God. The things I was a part of were becoming idols in my life and needless to say this was quite disconcerting to me. So it was time for me to start cutting stuff out, which was perhaps one of the hardest things I have ever had to do. Which brings me to my new season... the season I can feel I'm about to enter into... it's a season of slowing down, a season of learning how to say a two letter word that I hate (no), it's a season of learning to please my savior and not my friends, it's a season of learning how to abide in the presence of my Lord. I guess really all of that means that it's about to be a season of rest, and this is a season I so desperately need, but it's also a place I feel so completely uncomfortable in... which kind of makes me know that it's right. There are some things that I know are right in my life, like life group, and a ladies bible study I'm in, and the ministry that I'm involved in at church, and volunteering at the Daily Bread. All of those things encourage me, renew me, and most importantly bring glory to God. But I also decided it was time I rearranged my priorities. So I guess that's where this new season begins, with rearranged priorities and renewed perspective... with rest and the desire to learn to abide... with a new joy and a new peace... with self discipline and dying to the desires of my flesh... with Jesus.