Journey Day 3.6.5

1 year. 365 days. 52 weeks. 8,766 hours. 525,600 minutes. Filled with mountain tops and valleys and everything in between. 1 year of challenges... 1 year of growth... 1 year of transformation. I've lost some friendships and improved others. I gained clarity and I'd like to believe, some wisdom. I attained some self control in more ways than one. I faced my flaws and my faults head and on without any regret. But at the same time I failed in a lot of ways. I wasn't as good of a friend as I should have been. I let myself get into a spiritual lull. I was impatient and unloving. I still have not learned to control my tongue.  But I think most of all, throughout this year I'd like to believe that I have gotten closer to being a woman of character... that Proverbs 31 woman I've heard so much about. I know I still have a long way to go, and a lifetime of growth, but I'd like to think that through this year I'm getting closer. So thank you to everyone who helped make this year awesome, and here is to another year of challenges and blog posts! : )

Journey Day 364

I have an awesome family. Today we got in a family-wide fight at breakfast, complete with raised voices. But then at the end of the fight, we all just had this moment of openness and love complete with tears. It was amazing and real and it bonded us. I think maybe that's part of what love is. It's being able to fight, and cry, and open up and then when it's all over you love each other even more than before. My family is rambunctious, and loud, and crazy, and amazing and fun and hilarious all balled into one giant ball of awesome. I couldn't have hand picked a better family.

Journey Day 363

Today was day one of operation love better... and yes, it had it's successes and failures. I spent time laughing and playing with my little brothers and sisters, and I didn't raise my voice at them most of the day, but there were a few moments where I did get frustrated and yell at them for something dumb. I think with my family the best way to show them I love them is to spend time with them, and laugh and play. Every time I started to get upset with them I started to remember 1 Corinthians 13... and I stopped yelling or reworded what I was going to say. It's something that I have to keep thinking about and keep remembering because unfortunately being that loving big sister is not first nature to me. But I want to get there, and I feel like this is my first step in that direction. : )

Journey Day 362

Today I have three friends that got married, two of them to each other. What a special day. Of course this leads me to think about marriage, and love, and what all of that even means. I don't claim to be an expert or even have any kind of knowledge about the subject. I've dated, but I still haven't found the person for me so I don't really know what a good, healthy relationship would be like for me. But I think I know what love is... it's patient, it's kind, it does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud, it does not dishonor others, it is not self seeking, it is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs, it does not rejoice in evil but it rejoices in the truth. It always protects, always trusts, always hopes, and always perseveres. 1 Corinthians 13 tells us that. Soo yes, I'm not a perfect person, and I don't love perfectly, but I have a guide for loving. A guide for loving not only significant others but my friends and family too. Following this guide is something I have to do more. If I did not anger easily than I would not fight with my parents or siblings as much. If I kept no record of wrongs I would not hold onto my anger, and forgive easier. If I was always patient with my friends I would love them better. I think you get the point. If I could follow this guide I would improve my relationships and they would know how much I love them. Ok, so this week I'm going to try to apply this guide to my life... I'll filter my thoughts and words through this section of 1 Corinthians 13. I can't pretend that I won't fall short of this goal, but I truly want to see if I can apply this principle to my life, and see how difficult it will be. This is will be the week of loving better.

Journey Day 361

Do you want to know what I find extremely difficult? Well I'm going to tell you... patience. I am really bad at being patient. Like I want to know what's going to happen, and I don't want it to happen tomorrow, I want it to happen right this moment. I want to get places faster, and I want time to speed by. I don't even know how to be patient... so folks that's where I am tonight. A serious state of impatience.

Journey Day 360

I just need to say that I love having a church home, and I love being involved in it. Tonight my church had a dinner and they needed someone to do childcare, so I helped them out. It was me against 12 kids from 2-9 and I had a blast! By the end I was ready for bed but being involved with that awesome group of people worth the small headache! That's a part of being in a family, seeing a need and filling it. And being a part of a family... a community, is what church is for! I could watch any sermon I wanted online or on tv, but I go to church to be with people, and live life with them. And while One CC isn't perfect, it's my family and for the first time in my life I actually have my very own church home. Tis a wonderful feeling! : )

Journey Day 359

Questions for night...

How do you know if you're following the Holy Spirit?

How do you know if you're making a decision based off of emotions? 

I think I'm getting a good handle of the answers to these questions.. but I'm also discovering that I'm still making mistakes and still learning. This journey of mine is certainly ongoing

Journey Day 358

So today I was making a powerpoint for the China presentation I'm giving this Sunday at my parent's church, and I found out some really awesome things about China and the spread of Christianity and I thought maybe you would want to share in my joy! China is a closed country which means some serious restrictions and little freedom. This sounds like it would bode very badly for Christianity, but as the bible says, what man means for evil, God uses for good. So God has used this political discontent and religious persecution to start something awesome in Asia. Christianity has increased 100 fold since 1949. Back then there were around 500,000 christians, most of which were Catholic. Now there are close to 130 MILLION Christians, and that number is still growing! It is being predicted that that number could double or even triple in this generation! At this rate Christianity will have a hand at shaping China... in other words when there are Christians in positions of power whether it be politics or even entertainment, China will be changed for the better! That made my little heart very excited. God is doing such an incredible work in a country that was once so closed off to Jesus. It just shows that no man, woman, or government can stop what God wants to do! He works in the best and the worst of circumstances and makes something beautiful : )

Journey Day 357

God is good. He's good in more ways than I can count or even begin to understand, and He is good all the time. When I feel broken, or like not even one thing can go right God sweeps in like my night in shining armor to save my day! Over and over again He comes through. Because I'm going to China it has been difficult to get a job because I'm only going to be in town for a month and a half or so. I have been praying that God would provide some kind of way to make income, and today I got a babysitting job. It will only be once a week, but it will provide some supplemental income and hopefully lead to more babysitting jobs! It's such a blessing and it is a reminder of God's goodness! He never ceases to amaze or excite me. No matter what happens to me, God will always be on my side.

Journey Day 355

Holy Moly... in 10 days it will have been a year since I started this journey o' mine. That's some crazay stuff right there. So much has happened... I mean I'm going to China for goodness sake. That was never on my mind even for a second a year ago! I know I have a long way to go, but God has already done so much in my life. I'm excited to see what this coming year is going to bring... I hope it's filled with just as many surprises as this year has been. I honestly wouldn't have it any other way.

Journey Day 354

So I think I've said it enough times on this blog, but I love to read. I always have since I was 4 years old and sitting in the library with my grandma. The latest book I just got to read is called Radical by David Platt. I think it's the perfect book to read as I transition into this time overseas. David Platt came to my school to speak at chapel, and it was awesome! He talked some about the underground church, but the timing of his talk was perfect. It was right around when I was deciding about China, and everything that he said just reaffirmed what I felt like God was saying to me. Ever since then I had been wanting to read his book, but just hadn't had the opportunity, but I'm finally going to get around to it! Side note: Funny brother phrases of the day... everytime I say the word "stupid" or "hate" he says "Soap in your mouth!" because we threaten him with soap in his mouth every time he says those words. The funny thing is he wants us to follow the rules, but he has no intention of following them himself. He's a crazy kid and we love him. I'm sure there will be many more funny Ethan phrases before he goes home, so stay tuned. Goodnight : )

Journey Day 353

I love when my family comes to visit me... how different that is from just a few years ago. My freshman year I was a bad daughter. I was rude to my parents, and I made them feel unloved, and unwanted. What kind of daughter does that? But the older I get the more I come to love, respect and cherish my entire family. Yes they're crazy, and yes they're loud, but they're awesome and they love me unconditionally. My parents taught me what loving God really looks like, and their awesome marriage has shown me what a healthy and loving relationship looks like. My brothers and sisters are so crazy and fun. Zach, Caleb, and I have some awesome conversation filled with laughs and serious moments. Isaiah is getting taller, and funnier every time I see him and Abby is entering the teenage stage which makes me feel old. Sammy is as adorable as ever and so funny and sweet. Ethan is getting bigger and funnier and more ridiculous every time I see him and I love it. I really couldn't have hand picked a better family myself. Through the good, the bad and the ugly I always know they will be there for me. Through the thick and the thin they are my family. Wǒ de jiārén

Journey Day 352

My school has this awesome little white prayer chapel so today I went there to spend some time with God. Like I said yesterday I have some big decisions to make. I sat on the floor of the chapel, listening to Gungor, and whatever else happened to play on my play list, and God comforted my heart. I was praying for Wisdom, and so I looked it up in the back of my bible. The first verse I read was James 1:5, "If any of you lacks wisdom, you should ask God, who gives generously to all without finding fault, and it will be given to you." And then I read Colossians 2:2-5, "My goal is that they may be encouraged in heart and united in love, so that they might have the full riches of complete understanding, in order that they may know the mysteries of God, namely Christ, in whom are hidden all the treasures of wisdom and knowledge. I tell you this so that no one may deceive you by fine sounding arguments. For though I am absent from you in the body, I am present with you in spirit and delight to see how disciplined you are and how firm your faith in Christ is." Next I read I Kings 3:12, "I will do what you have asked. I will give you a wise and discerning heart, so that there will never have been anyone like you, nor will there ever be." And then last but not least I read Joshua 1:9, "Have I not commanded you? Be strong and courageous. Do not be afraid; do not be discouraged, for the Lord your God will be with you wherever you go." And God used each of these to comfort me and remind me of His promises. In order to receive wisdom I simply have to ask him for it, and have faith that I will receive it. And I can find that wisdom in Christ. I cannot be deceived by the resounding gongs around me, but I must concentrate on what God and His word says. I will be given a wise and discerning heart. The context of that verse is when Solomon asks God for wisdom and God says that because he asked for wisdom and not more riches and power God would give it to him. I don't need riches, or power all I need is wisdom to make the right decisions. And I should be afraid, or more aplicable to me, I should not be discouraged, for God is with me wherever I go. Isn't that the beauty of God's word? No matter what we're going through, God can still speak to us through it! So while yes I still have to make these decisions, God will give me the wisdom and strength I need!

Journey Day 351

I have a lot of big decisions I have to make within the next few days... I have to start spending some serious time with God... it all feels so big and heavy on my shoulders...

Journey Day 350

So question for you guys... if God's grace covers us all should we just bask in that grace and stop striving to stop sinning? Oooor should we continue fighting our sinful nature, striving to have our lives reflect Christ more and more? Pleaaase comment, or tell me in person, or shoot me an email... or just reflect on the question yourself : )

Journey Day 349

Tonight feels like the real beginning of summer. My classes are over... I don't have anything to get up for tomorrow morning... I can sleep in... it's summmmmmmmmer! WOOOOO! I should start reading a new book tomorrow... or maybe I'll reread one. But at this point I can do what the heck I want! So right now, I get to lay in bed, listening to my woodwick candle, watching scrubs and enjoying summer. Tomorrow is a new day, filled with new opportunities and new chances to be better. I hope that all of us will take advantage of that and fill our day with joy, productivity, and God. Goooodnight : )

Journey Day 348

Tomorrow I head back to Lburg. It will be an early morning of babysitting at church, and then it's nap time and then I get to hang out with my dear Meagan and her boo. Ahhhh summer, how I love thee. You are filled with magic, friend, vacations, rain storms and long drives. Wonderful. So summer, lets spend many more mornings, afternoons and nights together. And try not to leave as quickly as you did last year. I have a lot of friends to spend time with before I leave the country for 10 months. But thanks in advance for being awesome... I appreciate it.

Journey Day 347

So I seriously love coffee... but it sucks. I recently gave it up once again for the Daniel Fast, and basically, my body hates me. I lasted till about 10 am yesterday, and then slowly but surely my headache started to creep in. It's not like a normal headache. It's the type of headache that feels like it's eating your whole head. So I drank more water... but alas my head continued to ache like it was it's job. It was awful. So I slept... for almost 4 hours... and then laid in bed until 5pm... and then got ready to go babysit 11 children at church... all by myself. The headache continued to eat my head, and the thought of food literally made me nauseous. Lovely, yes? Ok, so then I came home from church, and then slept for like 10 more hours... and you know what? The pain isn't even over yet! The cycle of coffee and it's awful withdrawal effects will continue for about one to two more days. Anything that does that to your body is NO GOOD! I repeat NO GOOD! So friends, as much as I love coffee I do not love what it does to my body... booooooo!

Journey Day 346

Love Me by JJ Heller

He cries in the corner where nobody sees

He's the kid with the story noone would believe

He prays every night, "Dear God won't you please

Could you send someone here who will love me?

Who will love me for me 

Not for what I have done or what I will become

Who will love me for me

Cause nobody has shown me what love 

What love really means

Her office is shrinking a little each day 

She's the woman who's husband has run away 

She'll go to the gym after working today 

Maybe if she was thinner than he would have stayed

And she says 

Who will love me for me 

Not for what I have done or what I have become 

Who will love me for me

Cause nobody has shown me what love, what love really means 

He's waiting to die as he sits all alone

He's a man in his cell who regrets what he's done

He utters a cry from the depths of his soul 

"Oh Lord, forgive me, I want to go home"

Then he heard a voice

Somewhere deep inside 

And it said,

I know you've murdered and I know you've lied

I have watched you suffer all of your life 

And now that you'll listen I'll tell you that I

I will love you for you 

Not for what I have done or what you will become

I will love you for you 

I will give you the love 

The love that you never knew

Journey Day 345

Lately I have been feeling more discouraged than encouraged. I'm feeling far from God, and just lacking motivation and joy. I feel like I'm in a similar place to when I started this blog, and that is just not ok with me! But you know the crappy part.. well crappier... I am just lacking the motivation to actually get closer to God and spend time with God... I'm legit ashamed to even admit that. I know the only way to get closer to God is to spend time with him, and I do go through periods of time where I devour the bible... but right now I'm in a valley. Not just a plateau, but a valley. I haven't felt this far from God in a while, and I can't help but wonder why. What got me here to begin with? I'm hoping it's just stress related, but I think more likely than not it's China related. There's only 2 more months until I start this crazy journey to another country, and I think that Satan is trying his very best to get to me. I think that sometimes when you're trying to do something for God Satan attacks your weaknesses extra hard. He hones in on what is going to break  you and pushes that button until you 'splode. I don't tell you this to be a debbie downer, I tell you this because I am constantly striving to be real. I don't want to put up a front of a perfect relationship with God when behind the scenes I'm feeling broken and defeated. So friends, what you see (read) is what you get, imperfections and all. And I refuse to let Satan take me down. I know that right now I'm feeling a tad discouraged and broken, but I also know that God is still good, and that even if I feel alone I'm not, and that I'll come out of this spiritual funk closer to God than I was before it started. Even when I feel hopeless about the little things in life, I know that my savior is the great hope giver. 

"Because of the Lord's great love we are not consumed, for His compassions never fail. They are new every morning"

-Lamentations 3:22-23

Journey Day 344

 So this is what I've been working on the past few days! A few friends asked me to help them out, so I'm using my mediocre design knowledge, and helping them out : )

Journey Day 343

My computer is about to die, which may be the best possible thing to happen to me... cause that means maybe I'll actually get to bed early tonight! Woohoo! But that also means I don't have the battery life left to write a good post... like I legit have 3 minutes left! So nighty night blogging world!

Journey Day 342

So starting this Thursday my church is doing a corporate Daniel Fast. Having done the fast before, I'm so excited. The church is doing it for 21 days, but I think I'm going to push myself a little further and do it for 40, making my last day July 18th. It's going to be more difficult, but I am choosing to chose God over the little luxuries. I really want to be preparing myself spiritually for the work God will be doing through me in China. I think this time I'll get even more from the fast than the first time I did it. Pastor Paul asked us two questions today. What are the things distracting us from God, and what are the things we need to lay down. I'm going to be prayerfully considering those things the next few days. I want to find the things keep me from getting closer to God, and I want to eradicate them. I want nothing in my life that is keeping me from the lover of my soul.

Journey Day 341

Today I realized that I've changed... for the better I think. I've been trying so hard, and God has been working so much in my life and today I realized that I'm not the same Sarah I was even 6 months ago. I'm following God's lead, leaving school and the people I love and I'm going to China for ten months to serve him. I react differently to situations. I'm learning to see the plank in my own eye. I'm learning to follow through with things. And while I'm not always the best friend in the world, I'm trying very hard to be better! Maybe no one else sees the changes in my life, but that's ok because I do. I know that God is working in new and exciting ways. I'm obviously far from perfect and I have my fair share of issues, but I'm just excited to see the difference in my life. Best part? I know this change doesn't come of my own strength, but instead it comes because I'm actually for once in my life depending on God. That my friends, is exciting in and of itself.

Journey Day 340

You wanna know what I love? Summer nights, that's what. Nothing makes me feel more at peace than stars in the sky, quiet, and a cool breeze. It's the perfect end to my day. For some reason it makes me get all introspective and deep. It makes me think about life, my relationship with God, my friendships, broken relationships, growth, things I need to work on, things I'm grateful for, and all the dreams I have and places I want to go. Summer nights do that to me. They seem to make everything in my life crystal clear.

Journey Day 339

I am...

-tired
-lacking motivation
-but at the same time determined
-filled with excitement about the future
-currently working on homework
-and drinking coffee
-broken and flawed
-loved and made whole
-excited for tomorrow (my most difficult summer class ends... definitely a reason for celebration so my two best friends and I are going to party it up... aka rent a red box and veg)
-nervous about the future
-grateful for grace
-enjoying the blue sky and sun shine
-hoping it rains (humidity=not cool)
-at peace
-starting to come off my stress mountain
-taking time to enjoy every moment today
-not letting the small things get to me

In conclusion... I am blessed : ) Today is a new day, filled with fresh chances, and new opportunities. YAY! : )

Journey Day 338

Today I am grateful for God's provision and for awesome friends. They make even the most stressful, bad day into something manageable and beautiful. Love, love, love it!! Laughing, chit-chatting, and relaxing was the theme of my evening, and I couldn't have asked for better! : )