Journey Day 218

I've said it before and I'll say it again... I have the best friends in the entire world. Once over the summer Meagan knew I was having a bad day, so when I got home from work she was standing there with a gigantic iced coffee in one hand and chocolate in the other. Another one of my friends, Calvin, drove all the way from North Carolina to help me move... I couldn't have done it without him! And then last night, I was having a little bit of a rough night and had been talking to Amber about it. I was exhausted and just feeling plain ol' discouraged. She is amazing and was comforting me and talking things through with me. And then at 2 am I leave work and drive home. I walk up the stairs and I can see there is something sitting outside my bedroom door. I turn on the hall light and this was what was sitting there:

In case you can't see, it is a vase filled with chocolate and there was little note attached:

and inside she wrote me a bible verse and just encouraged me! I am blessed beyond words by each of the people that God has placed in my life. I can never doubt His goodness for even one moment! I am constantly reminded of God's kindness and love, shown to me by all my friends and family :)

Journey Day 217 B

So I know I already wrote today... but I just want you all to know I really miss my family... The picture below should show you why I miss them so...

Also this picture:

And finally this one:

They're all just too cute for words....

OH... also the Jimmy Needham concert was tonight, and it was fabulous. It was awesome to just stand in the back and watch everyone dance and sing along! I was grinning from ear to ear the whole time!

Journey Day 217

I don't know where you live, but I live in the South, and today it is like 70 degrees and sunny. It is the end of January...and sunny... and warm. I LOVE IT! I was reading a few tweets and my favorite blogger (Jon Acuff) tweeted this, "Who is like you--majestic in holiness, awesome in glory, working wonders? Exodus 15:11 ( a ? sunny days in winter makes me ask God)" I love sunny days, but I never thought about them as a wonder given by God... but they TOTALLY are! I mean it's winter...thus it should be winter weather. Ya know... snow, cold, and the whole 9 yards, but instead it is warm and gorgeous out! "awesome in glory" and "working wonders" are certainly phrases that come to mind. It is definitely easier for me to keep my eyes focused on God when His wonders are right in front of me! So go outside and enjoy the sun, and and enjoy God's glory and beauty in all of it! : )

Journey Day 216

Today was wonderful. We drove over a dam near where Mary lives, and it was simply beautiful! The Sun was setting, the water was peaceful and there was a lone sailboat crusing along. It was beautiful. It definitely reminded me that God created beauty!

Journey Day 215

I'm headed to South Carolina today to visit my friend Mary. It's going to be an incredibly busy weekend! Drive to SC today, leave Sunday around 10 am, get back home around 3 or 4, and then get ready for the Jimmy Needham concert. Jimmy Needham concert from 5-10pm and then I have to work from 10:30 pm to 2am. Like I said, it's going to be a looooong weekend! But I think it will be extremely fulfilling and will be part of an important chapter in my story. Last night I went to the ladies bible study at my church and it was awesome! Way better than I expected it to be. I met this girl named Jennah, and she has been going through a really rough patch, and so on Wednesday we are going to have coffee. I'm hoping that it will be a great time of fellowship, and just getting to know one another. It was so cool to be encouraged through the bible study, and it definitely wasn't what I was expecting. Tuesday I am starting project lunch with my friend Greg, so we'll see how that goes. I'm really praying that God will give me the right words to say, and that He will bless it! I'm definitely nervous though! I just know that God doesn't call us to a life of safety and certainty, so I'm taking a step of faith and trusting that God will be there to pick me up if I fall! Every decision I make I think, "will this help create a good story? A story worthy of my calling?", and strangely enough it motivates me! It motivates me to get up early, and stay up later. To stay organized and to work harder. I want to live a full life... full of experiences and hardships and pain and happiness. But most of all a life full of love.

Journey Day 214

So this morning as I was driving to work, singing along with Third Day or whatever band happened to be playing on Spirit FM, a thought dawned on me. When we go out to eat we tip our waitress at least 15%, usually more. You don't want to have "Cheap" stamped on your forehead because after all your waitress was just your personal servant for the last hour, the least you can do is give her that 15%. But when it comes to giving to God, the creator of the UNIVERSE, we give the bare minimum. I know that I am guilty of it. I get my check and take out that small 10%, and I'm ashamed to admit it, but sometimes I don't even give God that. We tip our waitress because she is nice to us. She (or he) brings us our food, refills our drinks and makes sure we are having a great experience... but here's the deal... God created the whole world. He knew us before we were even a thought in our parents mind, if you don't believe me read Psalm 139! He is with us every moment of everyday, He answers our prayers, He listens to us complain, He has planned out an amazing life for us... but we still give Him the minimum. A half hour of our time here, 15 minutes there... 10% from this paycheck and none from the next. But we make sure and tip our waitress extra every time we go out... are you seeing the picture I'm painting here? It's great to be generous with the people we meet, but shouldn't God be our number one? Shouldn't it still be important to give to God? This thought was so convicting for me. I give more than I need to to my waitress because I don't want her to think badly of me, it doesn't matter if she is good or bad at her job, I'm going to give that 20% or 25%... if I go to my old job I often give 50% because I know the girls that work there. But when it comes to my relationship with God I do what I can to scrape by. I spend 15 minutes talking to Him in the morning, check Him off my list and move on. Am I really giving God less than I give my waitress?? God doesn't just want 15 minutes of my time, or 15 dollars from a paycheck... He wants everything I am.

"In the same way, any of who does not give up everything he has cannot be my disciple."-Luke 14:33

Journey Day 213

Reading is certainly one of my joys in life. After finishing "Crazy Love" I started "A Million Miles in a Thousand Years" and I finished it early this morning. It was AMAZING! The question it asks is "What do you want your story to be?" Basically what meaning is your life going to have? Are you going to just wake up every morning and go through the motions without really doing any kind of good? Without having any real plot to your life? A good story has action, the character goes on a journey, and there is always an inciting action. Something that pushes the main character so they start their journey. For me my first inciting action was a breakup, it got my relationship with God really started and my dependance on God begun... and now my next inciting incidents... reading Crazy Love and A Million Miles in a Thousand Years. I have to have a goal for my life, for my journey.... my story. Where do I want my life to go? And what steps can I take to get there? I made a list of things I want to accomplish... the direction I want my story to go:
- success for the Muse Eight-Thirty
- developing a bond with the community downtown through outreach
- to grow closer to God everyday
- someday get married and raise a family
- to excel in my classes
- to give extravagantly
- to lead at least one person to Christ this year
The plot of my journey:
- work hard promoting the Muse through advertising, word of mouth, and doing the necessary leg work.
- start what I'm calling project lunch.... once a week I will make bagged lunches and hand them out to
homeless people downtown. I will start with 15 lunches and see how God blesses it.
- wake up 45 minutes early each day to spend quiet time with God, pray unceasingly
- concentrate on God, and pray for whoever it is I'm supposed to marry someday. I don't think there is much I can do to make myself get married except just pray that God brings the right one in the right time.
- Study often and effectively. Of course there are a million things I'd rather do then study, but in order
to excel I have to study!
- I have a giving plan. I'm going to sponsor a child, and give smaller amounts each month to
missionaries and my friend who just started a non profit. I'm so blessed, it's time I use those blessings to bless others!
- be open about my faith with others, and live a life of love. People will see the love and want to
know what makes me different! My goal is to just love and love and love and love some more!
    
Ultimately I want my story to be one of compassion. I want to do great outreach, and travel to places to invest in the native people. When I get to heaven I want God to look at my life and say "Well done good and faithful child, well done! You loved and you loved a whole lot!!"

Journey Day 212

I just finished "Crazy Love" by Francis Chan. It has to be one of the best books I have ever read. It was convicting and eye opening, but it is obvious to me that the book was written with love! I'm not even sure where to begin. I want to use this book to make changes in my own life, but there is just so much information! I guess I will start with this: The characteristics of a lukewarm christian...

-Lukewarm people attend church fairly often because it is expected of them. Isaiah 29:13 says, "The Lord says, 'These people come near to me with their mouth and honor me with their lips but their hearts are far from me. Their worship of me is made up only of rules taught by men.' " It isn't enough to just show up to church every Sunday. Those are rules made by man, not by God, so through them it seems you are worshipping man more than you are worshipping the creator of the universe.

-Lukewarm people choose what is popular over what is right. Their desire is to fit in, and so everything they do is for show, but on the inside their heart is rotten. They care more about what people think, than what God thinks.

-Lukewarm people aren't looking to be saved from their sins, just the penalty. That means they just don't want to spend eternity in hell, but they don't really want to give up their sins. Jesus died on the cross to take our sins, so that we would recieve his gift and no longer sin! He didn't die so that we could go to heaven, but just keep on sinning on earth.

-Lukewarm people rarely share their faith with others. They deny God because they fear rejection. But the bible tells us that if we deny Jesus on earth he will deny us to His father in heaven!

-Lukewarm people gauge how good they are by comparing their life and actions to the secular people they know. It makes them feel better because they are not as "bad" as the world. But we are supposed to be set apart! We can't compare our lives to people that are lost!

-Lukewarm people say that they love Jesus, and he is a part of their lives BUT he is only a part of the whole. God doesn't just want one part of our lives, he wants the whole thing!! He wants to be apart of every moment and every action. We can't just check Him off our list for the day and move on.

-Lukewarm people do love God, but they don't love Him with all that they are! They think that that kind of love is only for the pastors and radicals, but in reality that kind of love is crucial for us all!

-Lukewarm people love others, but they do not love, nor do they seek to love others as much as they love themselves. Their love focuses on loving those that treat them with love in return. But Matthew 5 tells us, "LOVE your enemies and pray for those who persecute you, that you may be sons of your Father in heaven."

-Lukewarm people will serve God and others but there are limits on how much they are willing to give. The bible is pretty direct when it tells us that there should be no limits on what we are to give God... "Sell everything you have, and give to the poor." God requires more of us then just the bare minimum. Remember if it wasn't for God, we would have nothing!

-Lukewarm people think about their life on earth more than they think about their future in heaven. They focus on "to-do" lists and schedules instead of thinking of their eternity in heaven. If we remembered that this world is not on our home maybe we would approach our days with ease and stress less.

-Lukewarm people are thankful for their luxuries and don't think about giving as much away to the poor as possible. But we need to remember "I tell you the truth, whatever you did for the least of these brothers of mine, you did for me." (Matthew 25:40)

-Lukewarm people do whatever they can to keep themselves from feeling guilty. They do the bare minimum, they want to be good enough without going above and beyond. This happens in so many areas! Our purity... "how far is too far?" our giving... "how much do I have to give?" instead of "how much can I give?" and perhaps the saddest of all, "How much time should I spend reading my bible?" instead of "I have to stop reading? already?"

-Lukewarm people always play it safe and always feel like they have to be in control. They take little to no risks for God, which keeps them from growing to their full potential. When we step out in faith, we have to depend on God to come through for us, and He will.

-Lukewarm people feel safe because they grew up in the church, or are aligned with whom they view as the "chosen people." Just as the isrealites were not safe just because they were israelites, we are not safe just because we are American or because we grew up in the church. We have to have a relationship with God, and we have to pursue him!

-Lukewarm people do not live by faith. In fact if they stopped believing in God not much in their life would change. We need to be so dependent on God that He is our life.

and last but not least...

-Lukewarm people drink and swear less, but other than that they don't look very different from an unbeliever. Drinking and swearing less on it's own does not make you a follower of Christ. That requires making God the most important part of your life.

I know that this list was convicting for me! A lot of these apply to my own life and that just makes my heart hurt. I don't want to be lukewarm, Iwant to be on fire for God! It's time to make some changes. I know this is a bit of a long post, but I really felt like it was important. Important for me to remember and you to remember.

Journey Day 211

So I think I should get back into the tradition of having a scripture of the week. I really want to memorize the verses completely so they may last for more than one week but I want the verse to be completely in my memory. This week is Psalm 90:14. "Satisfy us in the morning with your unfailing love, that we may sing for joy and be glad all our days." I want to memorize this verse so that when I wake up in the morning this is what I think of! But for now, it's bed time! : )

Journey Day 210

Remember how I said I was so excited to see what God was going to say through my pastor? Yeah well my alarm went off and my butt did not get out of bed. boo. Thus I am in my room listening to a Francis Chan sermon about the "joys of being spirit filled". One thing he talked about that really stuck out to me was thanking God for EVERYTHING, for every opportunity and every moment of every day. How much better would life be if we were constantly thanking God for every aspect of our life. A spirit filled person has a melody in their heart all day long, and it's evident in every interaction. That melody is there because they are thankful. What if the first thought in your mind each day was, "thank you God". Don't you think your day would be better? I know every day I start out in prayer and in reading God's word the day is just better, and it's because my heart is filled with God and HIS melody. Another reflection of being filled with the spirit is how you treat other people. When I interact with others am I kind, loving and merciful as my father in heaven is? Or am I judgmental, rude, and short with people? A person filled with the spirit has that melody in their heart, and the overflow of our heart becomes our words. When our heart is filled with love and joy our words and interactions will be a reflection of that. So today, I'm going to give thanks for every part of my day, not just the great parts but the ordinary parts because God will use them, and the melody in my heart will grow louder, and the sound will be sweeter.

Journey Day 209

Today's silver lining? I relaxed... a lot! It was absolutely fantastic! And I saw 2 movies. I had a double silver lining, which is pretty sweeeet! Overall it was just a simply awesome and wonderful day, but now it's bedtime and church time tomorrow! I'm throughly looking forward to hearing what my pastor has to say! Soooo goodnight one and goodnight all  : )

Journey Day 208

So after watching so much Francis Chan, I decided to go buy his book "Crazy Love". So far it's amazing! The third chapter talks about being a lukewarm Christian. It gives a description of the some of the characteristics of a luke warm christian, and sadly a lot of them describe me. I don't want to be lukewarm. I sat in my car, waiting for class to start, reading the book and my heart was just simply broken. The creator of the universe loves ME, and what do I do? I ignore Him, I deny Him with my actions, I hurt Him by being cruel to His creation. And yet despite all of that He still loves me. Think about it, the creator of the world, of all the galaxies, and of me sent His very own son to the earth to die so that I could spend eternity in heaven with Him. That is how much I am loved, and how much you are loved, and I don't give God my all? What is wrong with me? What is wrong with us?

Watch these two videos and be in awe of God with me!

The Awe Factor of God

Just Stop and Think

Journey Day 207

This morning I "woke up" at 5:15. I put that phrase in quotes because I had every intention of waking up at 5:15 and doing devos before work, but when my alarm went off I just laid in bed and prayed. My body didn't seem to want to move, and to my dismay I lacked motivation to get out of bed. However, even though I didn't make it out of bed, I did spend some time praying and praising and I feel like that is an important start. I'm going to try to get up 45 minutes before I have to get ready every day so that I can spend time with God. Now, as I sit at the computer at school I am asking God, "what is my purpose for today? I am here for a reason, what is my purpose for today?" I am hoping that if I live the day looking for God's purpose I will find myself living each moment regret free, and closer to God. I am hoping it will add a little bit of fuel to my "God fire". If I look at new opportunities, responsiblities, and interactions as my purpose for the day I think that I will work harder and love better because I am doing it for God and not for myself. That is my hope and more importantly that is my prayer.

Journey Day 206

Tonight I watched a Francis Chan sermon entitled "Lukewarm and Loving it!" It was about how as Christians we tend to be lukewarm, and God calls us to be something so much greater. He calls us to be on fire for him. If we are lukewarm He will spit us out, we are no good to him. What a convicting thought that was! Am I lukewarm? What could I be doing to make myself more on fire for God? What do I need to add and cut out of my life to make this happen? I was just completely overwhelmed by how luke warm I am, and how much I need God to set me on "fire" for Him. For the first time in my relationship with God I fell to my knees at my bed and just poured out my heart to God. I don't want to be lukewarm, I want to be so on fire for God that people can see a difference in me. I want to be so on fire for God that He becomes a part of every single thing I do. Tomorrow I'm meeting with a friend to pray, and I hope this continues to ignite my love for God. Are you lukewarm? If you are, what will you do to change that? When we are lukewarm it means we know who God is, and we know His goodness and grace, but we continue to live our lives without passion and fire. We live our lives as if we are not loved and cherished by the creator of the universe. I am going to change this!

Journey Day 205- part B

Want to know what I'm discovering? Sometimes when God reaches out to us it isn't always going to be calm and peaceful. Sometimes for God to make us righteous he has to rock the boat a little bit. In Jimmy Needham's song "Hurricane", he talks about how he needs God to be like a hurricane, an unstoppable force in his life, that knocks down the walls that are keeping him from growing. "I don't want to be safe tonight." While we may think being safe protects us, in the end it simply keeps us from growing. "And if destruction's what I need, I'll recieve it Lord from thee." We can't expect our relationship with God to be a walk through a field filled with sweet smelling roses. There are going to be bumps along the way, and sometimes the God we need at our side is the warrior, not the gentle shephard. Another song that talks about God's strong love for us is "How He Loves" by John Mark McMillan. "He is jealous for me. Loves like a hurricane, I am a tree. Bending beneath the weight of His wind and mercy." God doesn't just hold our hand, kiss the top of our head, and tell us everything is going to be ok. Sometimes His love is overwhelming and as forceful as a hurricane, bringing us to a place we didn't want to go. Sometimes His love will expose the very thing we have been trying to desperately to hide from him. It isn't to harm us, but to show us where we are wrong, and that God is the only way we will ever be better. But He says to us, "dear one, there is nothing about you that I don't see and LOVE. Why do you want to turn from me? I love you with an everlasting love, and I'm going to show that love to you in a way that may hurt at first. I might have to take away something that you think is what you need, but remember I know best. I know what you need. And my timing is perfect. And sometimes to bring you to the perfect place I have to bring you through the desert. This isn't to harm you, only to help you because some things in your life are distracting you from me. I have to remind you of how much you need Me! My grace and redemption calls to you and My love invites you in. Don't lose hope in the desert, because I wait for you on the other side, with open arms."

Journey Day 205

Good morning friends! : ) So part of my work with the Muse is making the flyers for the different shows we have, and this is one I just finished working on.

It isn't anything complicated, but overall I think it looks pretty good! It's been awesome to be able to learn my trade with hands on experience. The Muse is such a great place and I believe in it, which makes it easier to market. I'm hoping the more I work with editing programs the better I'll get at it and it will be another skill I can use in my career! Well my friends, I hope your day is productive and that your silver lining shines bright! : )

Journey Day 204

To promote less self pity, and more joy I'm going to find the silver lining of each day. Today my silver lining is people. It's the first day of the spring semester and I am seeing tons of people I hardly ever get to see. After my last class I am  having coffee with one of my closest friend, Greg. We've been friends since freshmen year and even when he didn't go to Liberty we kept in contact. I'm so looking forward to getting to see him and spend some quality time with him! Then 2 more of my closest friends are coming over for dinner! So as you can see it is a people day, and that is what makes my day great! : ) I hope that looking for the silver lining is going to improve my attitude. I don't want to be thought of as a negative person, or a complainer. I want people to see the joy that Jesus gives me. I just see myself slowly becoming a complainer, and I really really don't want that to happen. I have many flaws and faults, and I know it. But my goal is to see my faults and work with God to improve. It's hard to not listen to all the voices around you that may try to discourage you, or tell you that you are failing. It's hard to pick yourself up and keep going after you fall, but by the grace of God I'm going to keep doing it. I'm going to keep seeking character, and I'm going to keep seeking a life of righteousness. I already see that the way I react things has changed, and that is encouraging. I know I keep making mistakes, and I'm going to keep making mistakes, but I hope that people will show me grace, and I pray that God will help me see how to show others that same grace. So today I am starting on the right foot, I am starting with the silver lining....

Journey Day 203

The past two days have been very difficult days. I was beginning to feel my joy zapped from me. I was talking to one of my dear friends tonight, and it dawned on me... I have to find the silver lining. When the day is going bad, or my head hurts, or my heart hurts I have to find the silver lining. There's always one lying there right below the surface, I just have to look a little. Tonight my silver lining was getting off work early. I work at the school computer lab, and I was supposed to be there until close at 2am, but instead we closed at 12am, so I got to go home early, and get ready for bed, and now I get extra sleep! My silver lining! : )

Journey Day 202

I Am Understood by Relient K

Sometimes it's embarrassing to talk to you
To hold a conversation with the only one who sees right through
This version of myself
I try to hide behind
I'll bury my face because my disgrace will leave me terrified

And sometimes I'm so thankful for your loyalty
Your love regardless of
The mistakes I make will spoil me
My confidence is, in a sense, a gift you've given me
And I'm satisfied to realize you're all I'll ever need

[Chorus]
You looked into my life and never stopped
And you're thinking all my thoughts
Are so simple, but so beautiful
And you recite my words right back to me
Before I even speak
You let me know, I am understood

And sometimes I spend my time
Just trying to escape
I work so hard so desperately, in an attempt to create space
Cause I want distance from the utmost important thing I know
I see your love, then turn my back and beg for you to go

[Chorus]

You're the only one who understands completely
You're the only one knows me yet still loves completely

And sometimes the place I'm at is at a loss for words
If I think of something worthy I know that its already yours
And through the times I've faded and you've outlined me again
You've just patiently waited, to bring me back and then

[Chorus]

The noise has broken my defense
Let me embrace salvation
Your voice has broken my defense
Let me embrace salvation 

Journey Day 201

There is nothing quite like being in bed. After an exhausting day laying my head on the pillow is the best feeling in the world! So I'm going to go enjoy my wonderful bed, NIGHT : )

Journey Day 200

200 days later and I am happy. Scratch that, I am joyful because happy is temporary but my joy is independent of emotion, and based solely on what God has done for me. And because of that I am joyful. Even when I feel depressed, angry, or lack motivation I can't help but remember that God is there for me and He is on my side! He has saved me from what could have been a horrific mistake, and He has freed me! Tonight I am counting my blessings and praising God for all He has saved me from thus far! : ) I am SO excited to see what God is going to do in the next 165 days!!

Journey Day 199

I am so exhausted. Far too exhausted to write anything intelligent, so instead you should go read this...

STUFF CHRISTIANS LIKE

Read the first one! NIGHT ONE AND ALL : )

Journey Day 198

Last night I was feeling kind of broken hearted. Not by any event that affected me directly, but by the Arizona shooting. The brokenness of the world broke my heart, and I was having a hard time understanding that God is good even in the monstrosities. It took a reminder from one my best friends to help me see God's goodness in such a terrible situation. He reminded me that God is love and God is good and that as humans we are the fallen ones, not God. And I remembered this song, by Francesca Battestelli, and it can me some kind of comfort. It's about what Jesus did in the time in between His birth and His death, and how powerful that time really was. He came to earth with knowing that he would be dying a cruel, terrible death, but He did it because He loves us and because HE IS GOOD! No matter what bad things happen, God is always good.

Time In Between- by Francesca Battestelli

You were there when your father said
Let there be light
You obeyed when he whispered
Son, you have to leave tonight
To spend nine nights in a mother's womb
Three days in a borrowed tomb

But it's the time in between
That brings me to my knees
Knowing that you came for me
And all that I can't be
I'm amazed, so amazed
And I thank you for the time in between 

Don't take much for this crazy world
To rob me of my peace
And the enemy of my soul
Says you're holding out on me
So I stand here lifting up my empty hands 
For you to fill me up again

But it's the time in between
That I fall down to my knees
Waiting on what you'll bring
And the things I can't see
I know my song's incomplete
Still I'll sing in the time in between 

So many ways
Your love has saved the day
And I'm grateful for them all 

But it's the time in between
The middle of the two thieves 
That says everything 
It's the reason I believe 
I'm amazed, so amazed
And I thank you for the time in between
Oh Lord, I thank you for the time in between

Journey Day 197

I'm sure by now you have heard of the terrible Arizona rampage. An evil man brought guns and a knife to a congress women's meet and greet with the intent of ending her life. He was unsuccessful, but in the process of seeking out Representative Gabrielle Giffords, he shot 20 people, and killed 6 those. One of these people was a nine year old girl excited to meet rep Giffords because she wanted to help her community and was just elected to her school's student council. Another victim was a 76 year old woman, attending the event with her highschool sweetheart and husband of 50 years. Her husband was shot too, and he is in critical condition. The 3rd victim was a 63 year old judge who was just there to discuss some cases with the congress women's staffers. The irony? He had his life threatened before, and even had a security detail at one point, but who would have known that his death would be caused not by his own politics, but instead he was simply doing his job. The 4th victim was Phyllis Schneck. She was 79 years old and hailed from my small hometown in NJ. The 5th victim was Dorwin Stoddard, 76, a beloved minister at the local church. He died because he stood in front of his wife and took the bullet for her. What a beautiful picture of what Christ did for us. He simply went to visit with a favorite politician and lost his life in the process. The 6th and final victim was Gabe Zimmerman. He was a Giffords staffer since the beginning of her congress career, and was engaged to be married. When I read all of their stories, they weren't just victims, they weren't just faceless names. My mind cannot even begin to wrap around the tragedy of this event. Six lives were snuffed out, and it doesn't seem right and it doesn't seem fair. I should end this post with some verse about how God has a plan for everything, and I truly believe He does, even for something as tragic as this. But tonight I'm just going to remember these people. I'm going to remember their life and hurt for what was lost. I know that God is in everything... even this, and my faith isn't shaken.... but I just can't help but ask why? Why God? God, it just doesn't seem right, where are you in this?

Journey Day 196

So today I was sitting in church, and I looked to my right and I saw my parents holding hands. Twenty two years and seven kids later they still have a spark. I looked around me and not many couples were holding hands (I'm sure they have other ways of showing affection!), but my parents were. I love that, it gives me hope that even after 2 decades, 6 pregnancies, 1 adoption, and countless arguments, it is possibly to  still have that spark. I never doubted my parent's love for one another. Sure they get in fights, but my dad always tells my mom how much he loves her, and to my despair they insist on being kissy kissy even when I am right there. Yes I am 21 and yes it grosses me out when my parents kiss. I know, I'm ridiculous. I know what real love in a marriage looks like thanks to my parents. I know that fights happen, and that's ok. I know it's healthy to have those when it isn't in excess. I know how important it is to tell that person that you love them, but also show them you love them. I know how important it is to put that person first, and when dealing with kids to always take your significant other's side, at least in front of the kiddies. I will be able to love my future husband and my future children because of the way my parents loved one another and because of the way they loved me. We are certainly not a perfect family, we fight tons BUT we laugh tons and love tons so in the end it evens out. I want to be the couple that holds hands in church while my kids watch on, and I know it's possible because I see it in action everyday while I'm at home. The world may tell me the spark will die, but because of my parents I know that with hard work the spark will grow. I know that I will be able to continue the tradition of grossing my kids out with plenty of displays of public affection and I know that it takes tons of work. I am so stinking blessed to be their daughter and I look forward to watching their love grow!

Journey Day 195

Jesus now spoke again, "Mack, I don't want to be first among a list of values; I want to be at the center of everything. When I live in you, then together we can live through everything that happens to you. Rather than a pyramid, I want to be the center of a mobile, where everything in your life-- your friends, family, occupation, thoughts, activities--is connected to me but moves with the wind, in and out and back and forth..." THE SHACK

I always thought that in my life I had to make a list of priorities and Jesus needed to be number 1! But I think that God doesn't just want to be my number one, He wants to be my everything. He wants to be at the center of my life so that He can be a part of everything I do. When I just put Him on top of my list of priorites that infers that He isn't part of the rest of my list. But in order to live a life not only of character, but of contentment, Jesus has to be my all and my everything. He is the center and the rest of my life simply revolves around Him. I think once that happens, and once God and His love seeps into every part of my life the peace that passes all understanding will come. God desires so much more than to be our numero uno, He wants to be our all, and that is something I have to work on. My relationship with God needs to be more than just a devotional in the morning or a prayer before lunch. He needs to be part of every thought I have and every move I make. Are you willing to make God the center that everything else revolves around? I think once we do this the rest of our life will make more sense, and start to fall into place! I hope that you too will make Jesus more than just a ritual but a deep relationship : ) Enjoy your Saturday my friends, stay warm and stay close to the lover of your soul!

Journey Day 194

"People are tenacious when it comes to the treasure of their imaginary independence. They hoard and hold their sickness with a firm grip. They find their identity and worth in their brokenness and guard it with every ounce of strength they have. No wonder grace has such little attraction. In that sense you have tried to lock the door of your heart from the inside." "But I didn't succeed." "That's because my love is a lot bigger than your stupidity," Papa said with a wink. "I used your choices to work perfectly into my purposes. There are many folk like you, Mackenzie, who end up locking themselves into a very small place with a monster that will ultimately betray them, that will not fill or deliver what they thought it would. Imprisoned with such a terror, they once again have the opportunity to return to me. The very treasure they trusted in will become their undoing." "So you used pain to force people back to you?" ...."True love never forces." - THE SHACK

We so badly want to hold onto the thing that is so bad for us. The pain caused by a bad job, or an unhealthy relationship. The wounds that were caused so long ago, or even recently. We hang onto it and let it hurt us because we think that by remembering our pain we are building a wall around us so that eventually we won't hurt anymore. We think that we have made too many bad choices, or the bad choices we made have put us completely out of the will of God. But God's love IS bigger than our dumb choices, He uses every choice we make to work into His purpose for our life. All we have to do is break down our walls and trust that God is going to use the things that hurt us to make us into who He wants us to be. But he won't force us because, 'true love never forces.' We have to allow Him to break down our walls of pain so that we can let the savior of our souls in. We trust that our walls will protect, but in the end they ruin us. I know that I have built up walls, but slowly God is breaking them down and showing me that He will use even my worst choice to bring me close to Him, and to fulfill His purposes. What a comfort to know that God will use my choices, whether they be bad or good, to work perfectly into His will. And you know what? God will do the same for you! Break down your walls, and feel God's love, because He can break through our highest and thickest walls.

Journey Day 193

So I've decided tomorrow I am going to start project lose 15 pounds. So original, yes? ; ) It's not for looks, but it's because I want to feel healthier! When I'm unhealthy in my eating habits, I just feel generally sluggish and uncomfortable, so hopefully this will help me feel better! I want to take this verse more seriously, "Do you not know that your body is a temple of the Holy Spirit, who is in you, whom you have received from God? You are not your own, you were bought at a price. Therefore honor God with your body" 1 Corinthians 6:19-20. One more step in honoring God and being a woman of character, is honoring the body that he gave me. I know everyone makes the new years resolution to exercise more, or lose weight, and maybe this is just another new years resolution that I won't follow through on, but then again knowing my background I shouldn't have even been able to follow through on any of my journey. But God has been giving me the strength to be consistent, and He will continue to give me the strength to be consistent in this next part of my journey. So tomorrow morning I'm going to get out of bed, take a shower, head to the grocery store, and start my next step! Is there something that you have been wanting to do, but just keep  putting it off? Well my friends, there is no time like the present so I challenge you to take that step and start the next part of YOUR journey! Goodnight one, goodnight all!  : )

Journey Day 192

This song really speaks to my heart tonight, I hope it speaks to yours too! : )

Come As You Are by Pocket Full of Rocks

He’s not mad at you

And He’s not disappointed

His grace is greater still

Than all of your wrong choices

He is full of mercy

And He is ever kind

Hear His invitation

His arms are open wide

You can come as you are with all you broken pieces

And all your shameful scars

The pain you hold in your, bring all to Jesus

You can come as you are

Louder than the voices

That whispers you’re unworthy

Hear the sound of love

That tells a different story

Shattering your darkness

And pushing through the lies

How tenderly He calls you

His arms are open wide

You can come as you are with all your broken pieces

And all your shameful scars

The pain you hold in your heart, you bring it all to Jesus

You can come as you are

You can come as you are

You can come as you are with all your broken pieces

And all your shameful scars

The pain you hold in your heart, you bring it all to Jesus

You can come as you are

Journey Day 191

Do you ever feel like your mistakes are too big for God to forgive? Like the mistake you made will never be forgotten? I felt like that today as I was driving home. I was thinking about some bad decisions I had made, and I was letting that bring me down. I discovered I still haven't even forgiven myself for what I've done. I flipped through the radio trying to find a christian radio station, and I came upon a station that was playing this song:

East to West

Here I am Lord and I'm drowning
In your sea of forgetfulness
The chains of yesterday surround me 
I yearn for peace and rest
I don't want to end up where you found me 
It echoes in my mind 
Keeps me awake tonight 

I know you cast my sin as far as
The east is from the west
And I stand before you now 
As though I've never sinned but today 
I feel like I'm just one mistake away 
From you leaving me this way

Jesus can you show me 
Just how far the east is from the west 
Cause I can't bear to see the man I've been
Come rising up in me again
In the arms of your mercy I find rest
Cause you know just how far the East is from the West
From one scarred hand to the other 

I start the day, the war begins 
Endless reminding of my sins 
Time and time again 
Your truth is drowned by the storm I'm in 
Today I feel like I'm just one mistake away 
From You leaving me this way 

Jesus can you show me 

Just how far the east is from the west 

Cause I can't bear to see the man I've been

Come rising up in me again 

In the arms of your mercy I find rest

Cause you know just how far the East is from the West

From one scarred hand to the other

I know you've washed me white 

Turned my darkness into light 

I need your peace to get me through 

To get me through this night 

I can't live by what I feel 

But by the truth Your word reveals 

I'm not holding on to you 

But you're holding onto me 

You're holding on to me 

Jesus, You know just how far 

The East is from the West

I don't have to see the man I've been 

Come rising up in me again 

In the arms of your mercy I find rest

(The arms of your mercy I find rest)

Cause you know just how far the East is from the West

From one scarred hand to the other 


Even though I can't seem to forget my sin, and let go of it, God already has. He has cast my sins as far as the east is from the west. I think it's time for me to do the very same!

Psalm 103:12
"As far as the east is from the west, so far has he removed our transgressions from us."

Journey Day 190

Day 2 in my new home, and I'm loving it! I got even more settled in, and talked with my roommate and her mom! Little by little I'm starting to feel more at home, and it's fantastic! And tomorrow I head home for 10 more days, and then back to school to start my 6th semester! I'm nervous and excited to start my last semester of junior year. I love a new semester, it's like a clean slate! I'm always more organized and more dedicated at the beginning and part of my new years resolution is starting that way! So here's to the new year, and the new semester filled with possibility! Goodnight my blogging friends!

Journey Day 189

In the spirit of the beginning of a new year, here are my new year's resolutions:

1. Make a prayer list, and pray for the things on the list every single day.

2. Lose 15 pounds by March (and keep it off)

3. Be more organized. People who know me know I'm a mess but I really want to work on keeping my life more organized

4. Be neater. This kind of goes with being more organized, but I also want to be more on top of cleaning things. 

5. More consistent and dependable. I'm discovering that a woman of character is a dependable person, and someone who follows through on her word, and that is something I need to work on. 

6. Be a better friend. I'm not always the best friend, or the best communicator and that is something I want to work on! 

7. Be less judgmental. Sometimes I get judgement eyes, but I want to see people more through kind eyes. 

8. Follow through on fasting.

9. Budget effectively.

and finally

10. Be a better daughter to my parents, and follower to God.. to not forget the lessons that 2010 taught me, and to use them in 2011 to make me a better person!

Journey Day 188

Today was moving day, and the first day of 2011! I'm so exhausted I can barely keep my eyes open, but I'm so so very glad to finally be moved in! Now I just have to start the unpacking process, but this is the part I like! I love being able to unpack and organize, and you want to know why? Because, I've discovered that I am a control freak! When I don't have control it starts to stress me out... as I saw today... no good! Ok well I'm beyond exhausted, and in true new year fashion, I want to do a list of resolutions, but that will just have to wait until tomorrow! : ) Night one, night all!