Journey Day 95

This song, by Heather Williams, is my prayer!

HALLELUJAH Lyrics
Heather Williams

Jesus, please come
Please come today
Hear me
Heal me
Be near me I pray

I have fallen so far
Flat on my face
I’m in need of Your grace today
I stumble and fall
But in spite of it all
Your love always stays the same
Hallelujah
Hallelujah

Jesus, please come
Please come today
Break me
Mold me
Use me I pray

But don’t give up on me now
I’m so close to You now
I’m in need of Your grace today
wipe the dirt off my face
hold me in Your embrace
Your love always saves the day
Hallelujah
Hallelujah

I have fallen so far
flat on my face
I’m in need of Your grace today
Hallelujah
Hallelujah

Sing Hallelujah
Sing Hallelujah
Sing Hallelujah
Amen

On my knees here I fall
in spite of it all
Hallelujah
And though it seems hard
I’m still trusting You Lord
Hallelujah
Hallelujah

Journey Day 94

It was another rainy day in the college town I live in. Actually "rainy" doesn't even truly do it justice. It poured the entire day, but it was beautiful. I saw God's beauty in ever single drop of rain. I could feel his love for me in the breeze. When it rains, there is this incredible quiet, but it's deeper than a quiet, it's a indescribable peace that only happens when it rains. It's like there, in the rain, God reminds us His love, He reminds us of His beauty, He reminds us that no matter what the weather in our lives may be He is there, and He is worthy of our praise! God is so worthy of all our praise whether our life is going the way we want it, or everything is going wrong; whether we are happy or sad; crying or laughing; God is always worthy, and always good! As I was driving to school today "Praise You in This Storm", by Casting Crowns, came on the radio. It felt like the perfect song, and an amazing reminder, because not only was there a literal storm going on, but its always important to remember that no matter what's going on in my life, God is there and I will praise Him!

Praise You in This Storm

words by Mark Hall/music by Mark Hall and Bernie Herms

I was sure by now,God, that You would have reached down
and wiped our tears away,
stepped in and saved the day.
But once again, I say amen
and it's still raining
as the thunder rolls
I barely hear You whisper through the rain,
"I'm with you"
and as Your mercy falls
I raise my hands and praise
the God who gives and takes away.

Chorus:
And I'll praise you in this storm
and I will lift my hands
for You are who You are
no matter where I am
and every tear I've cried
You hold in your hand
You never left my side
and though my heart is torn
I will praise You in this storm

I remember when I stumbled in the wind
You heard my cry to You
and raised me up again
my strength is almost gone how can I carry on
if I can't find You
and as the thunder rolls
I barely hear You whisper through the rain
"I'm with you"
and as Your mercy falls
I raise my hands and praise
the God who gives and takes away

Chorus

I lift my eyes onto the hills
where does my help come from?
My help comes from the Lord, the maker of heaven and earth
I lift my eyes onto the hills
where does my help come from?
My help comes from the Lord, the maker of heaven and earth

Chorus

Journey Day 93

Do you know what it means to be content in any and all circumstance? Paul did, if anyone had the "right" to be mad at God, and discontent with their life circumstance, it was Paul. He was persecuted, and looked down upon, he was chased out of towns, and thrown in jail countless times! But despite all of that Paul was content in his circumstances, Philippians 4:11- 13 says, "I am not saying this because I am in need, for I have learned to be content whatever the circumstances. I know what it is to be in need, and I know what it is to have plenty. I have learned the secret of being content in any and very situation, whether well fed or hungry, whether living in plenty or in want. I can do everything through him who gives me strength." Paul knew that he was content in all things, but he also knew that he couldn't do that on his own. Who can possibly be content when they are in want, if not for the strength of God? This is a goal for myself, to be content in my life circumstances, whether I am happy, or sad; in want, or have plenty; surrounded by friends, or by myself; overwhelmed, or at peace. No matter where I am in life I can be content and I can be strong because Christ is my strength. When I am relying on God to be the lifter of my head, I am guaranteed a peace that passes all understanding. That doesn't mean that my life, or your life will be perfect all the time, or that we will get exactly what we want, when we want it, BUT it does mean that no matter the circumstance we will have joy AND we will be content! I pray that this journey will bring me to the place of contentment that Paul reached, the point where my Jesus will fill me to the brim! My overflow will be love and peace, and "whether living in plenty or in want, I can do all things through him who gives me strength."

Journey Day 92

92 days on my journey!! Ahhh! : ) I'm determined that this journey will be more than just a phase in my life, I am determined to make it my lifestyle! Today is kind of dark and dreary, which doesn't exactly put me in a motivated mood. I hope that I can be completely transparent, and not seem like I'm being a debbie downer. Sometimes I feel like I'm bargaining with God. I feel like I say, "God I'll do this, if you will do that for me" or "God I'm doing everything you told me to, I'm drawing close to you, why do I see no results". I want God to give me what I want, when I want it, on my time! I get so impatient because I think I know what is best, but sometimes God has to remind that I have absolutely no idea what I'm doing! Psalm 37:4 says, "Delight yourself in the Lord and He will give you the desires of your heart." It says he will, but it doesn't say he will right now! I think that is my problem, I expect God to give me the desires of my heart right now, but I have to remember that God's plan is always better than my plan, and His timing is always better than my own, just like Jeremiah 29:11 says! So on that note the verse of the week is Isaiah 40:31. It says, "But those who trust in the Lord will find new strength. They will soar high on wings like eagles. They will run and not grow weary. They will walk and not faint." When nothing seems to make sense, and when you want to just take over and do things your own way, remember that when you trust in God he is going to give you a strength that you have never known, you will run and not grow weary, you will walk and not faint, remember Isaiah 40:31! : )

Journey Day 91

This is Meagan. She is one of the strongest people I know, in fact I think she is the strongest person I know. Her strength is inspirational, and her optimism is contagious! She is always there when I need her, and she doesn't look down on me, or judge me. She has been a shoulder to cry on when times were tough, she was an encouraging word on the days that I needed it the most, and she always knows when I'm gonna need chocolate and/or a cup of coffee. : ) She has been a part of each step of my journey, and her friendship is irreplaceable. She is my kindred spirit and one of my best friends! She is a constant blessing in my life, and I know God knew what he was doing when he brought her into my life! We have beat the friendship odds, and our friendship is stronger because of it. She is an eternal blessing! I have come to discover that my friends are more than just friends; they are family!

Journey Day 90

Healer, by Kari Jobe

You hold my every moment
You calm my raging seas
You walk with me through fire
And heal all my disease

I trust in You
I trust in You

I believe You're my healer
I believe You are all I need
I believe You're my portion
I believe You're more than enough for me
Jesus, You're all I need

You hold my every moment
You calm my raging seas
You walk with me through fire
And heal all my disease

I trust in You
I trust in You

I believe You're my healer
I believe You are all I need
I believe You're my portion
I believe You're more than enough for me
Jesus, You're all I need

Nothing is impossible for You
Nothing is impossible for You
Nothing is impossible for You
Nothing is impossible for You

Journey Day 89

Today was a loooooooong day! First I got up at six and went to work at 7, then I went to my University's chapel, it was a reminder of why I stopped going, then I met friends for lunch, then class, and an exam, and then I thought, "FINALLY, my day is over and I can do homework and get stuff done." Well wouldn't you know, I get to my car, and take out my keys, and my car key is GONE! *poof*, nowhere to be seen! I didn't even know what to do, so I retraced my steps, searching everywhere for my escaped key. I was starting to really freak out, what do I do without my car key?! My AMAZING friend Meagan came to my rescue, and helped me look for my key, but still no luck. Needless to say at this point I was really starting to freak out, I had no idea what to do! We went back to my apartment to search for my spare key, and Meagan was like, you should ask Mary if your spare is in the purse that she borrowed. I thought no way is it there, but I'll ask her. And wouldn't you know, SHE HAD MY SPARE!! wooohooo! : ) It was like a burden was lifted from my shoulders, and God was like, "silly Sarah! When will you learn to trust me and trust that I have you back?" Despite the proof every single day, I still seem to question God's faithfulness! I am so thankful that despite my short comings, and despite the fact that I can't seem to grasp the concept of complete faith, He comes through for me every time! I definitely don't deserve it, but I guess that is where His saving grace comes into play! And that, my friends, is one of the most important parts of my journey, developing a faith, that trusts in saving grace! : )

Journey Day 88

It's funny how a day can start out with so little promise and then all because of one person, it's better. One person can inspire the rest of your day to be better! I woke up, and went to work, and just felt no motivation to get anything done. I went through the motions of work, but my heart just wasn't in it, and I would sit back at the desk, and I just felt like every bit of energy I ever had was zapped out of me. Mind you I still had three classes to sit through after work. I didn't have high hopes for the day. But then right before my second class started, I checked my facebook, and I had a message from one of my friends. He was so encouraging, and really built me up, and as silly as that sounds, it made my day! Just to know that someone sees a difference in me encouraged me! And as silly as it sounds, the words of one kind friend can make my day so much better. So instead of today being an unproductive, lazy day (which I thought it was going to be), it was productive, and I have felt encouraged all day! It's so cool how God does that, just when he knows you need it the most, he'll send a little encouragement your way! I am so blessed, I'm surrounded by love, and surrounded by my savior. How could I possibly complain? : )

Journey Day 87

Before the Morning, by Josh Wilson

Do you wonder why you have to,
feel the things that hurt you,
if there's a God who loves you,
where is He now?

Maybe, there are things you can't see
and all those things are happening
to bring a better ending
some day, some how, you'll see, you'll see

Chorus:
Would dare you, would you dare, to believe,
that you still have a reason to sing,
'cause the pain you've been feeling,
can't compare to the joy that's coming

so hold on, you got to wait for the light
press on, just fight the good fight
because the pain you've been feeling,
it's just the dark before the morning

My friend, you know how this all ends
and you know where you're going,
you just don't know how you get there
so just say a prayer.
and hold on, cause there's good who love God,
life is not a snapshot, it might take a little time,
but you'll see the bigger picture

Would dare you, would you dare, to believe,
that you still have a reason to sing,
'cause the pain you've been feeling,
can't compare to the joy that's coming

so hold on, you got to wait for the light
press on, just fight the good fight
because the pain you've been feeling,
it's just the dark before the morning
yeah, yeah,
before the morning,
yeah, yeah

Once you feel the way of glory,
all your pain will fade to memory
once you feel the way of glory,
all your pain will fade to memory
memory, memory, yeah

Would dare you, would you dare, to believe,
that you still have a reason to sing,
'cause the pain you've been feeling,
can't compare to the joy that's coming

Would dare you, would you dare, to believe,
that you still have a reason to sing,
'cause the pain you've been feeling,
can't compare to the joy that's coming

com'n, you got to wait for the light
press on, just fight the good fight
because the pain you've been feeling,
it's just the hurt before the healing
the pain you've been feeling,
just the dark before the morning
before the morning, yeah, yeah
before the morning

Journey Day 86

I'm not always the best at seeing others the way God sees them. I get mad at people, or hurt by them, and it tints my view of them. Instead of seeing them as a beautiful creation, made by God, I see them as the source of my hurt and frustration, or as the judgmental friend, or the troubled friend, but God sees them in only one way. He sees them as HIS! They are important and beautiful and loved because God made them, and He doesn't love them any more or less than He loves me! I came to that realization one morning while I was working. I was feeling extra hurt, and extra angry with an acquaintance of mine, and it dawned on me... God made them, thus he loves them, thus they are important. He loves them just the same as He loves me, so no matter what I do and no matter what they do, His love never changes. This was kind of a sobering realization for me, because even though my head knew it all along, my heart needed to remember it, because it keeps me from judging them, or being mad at them. I need to love them like God loves them, and see them as He sees them: beautiful creations, made and loved by Him. Sometimes I get so worked up, I have to talk myself down, and make myself let it go, and just remind myself that God loves them, and I love them. And surprisingly it's working. I'm starting to get to the point where I can catch myself before I even get upset, which is exciting. I'm not saying I'm perfect, and that I don't get upset, because I do, but I want you (whoever you are) to know that I am trying to see God's creation the way he sees them; through a lens of love!

Journey Day 85

It's that time of the week again... verse of the week time!!!! : ) God led me to Romans 8:18 this week. It says, "I consider that our present sufferings are not worth comparing with the glory that will be revealed in us." I really felt like this verse was so perfect because this past week I saw so much suffering and sadness in the lives of my friends, but then there is this awesome promise from God, that no matter what we suffer right now, it doesn't compare to the cool thing that God is going to reveal through us and to us! Ahhh! So cool! : ) Tonight I started training at the pregnancy resource center, and it was INCREDIBLE! I'm so excited to see how God is going to use it to draw me closer to him, and how he is going to use me in the lives of the women that come to the center. Our trainer told us that today they had a girl who was 13 years old come in pregnant. It broke my heart, but the beauty is that this young girl is choosing to give her child life, even though she is so young and it will be so hard for her, and her family. But at the ripe age of 13 she is choosing someone else above herself. That is something that I want to be a part of! Just one more stop on my journey, one more thing that will mold me into who God created me to be. Goodnight blogging world, and God bless!

Journey Day 84

This is Mary.(And her puppy) She is one of my best friends, and one of the funniest most encouraging people I know! In the year that we have been friends, she's already been there for me through anything you can imagine. Through heart break and loss, through my journey, through the highs and lows, she's been there with a shoulder to cry on, a joke, or an encouraging word. She's getting married this coming May, and I am so excited for her! I am honored to be one of her maid's of honor, and I am so blessed to have her in my life. When I cry Mary cries, when I smiles she smiles, when I laugh she laughs, she knows what it means to be a true friend. Her strength inspires me and beckons me to be a better friend. Thank you Mary, for all that you do, your friendship means more than you will ever know! : )

p.s. Each week I'm going to spotlight one of my close friends, they have helped me so much in this journey, and this is my way of honoring them and thanking them! Without their love and encouragement, this journey would be even more difficult, each one of them is the epitome of a true friend!

Journey Day 83

Ok, so I need to have a moment of complete honesty with you, whoever you are that may read this. I am having one of those nights, one of the nights where nothing feels right, and everything hurts. Some my own hurt and some of it is hurt for all the one's I hold dear. Their pain becomes my pain, and seeing them hurt makes my own heart hurt. These are the people I love, and they are in pain. All of it feels so unfair. People that have been through so much just in the past few months, are bombarded with more, and I can't help but ask, why God? Why? Why would you allow them to hurt this way, over and over again? They love you Lord, and they seek you, and yet still you allow these things to happen? You allow their hearts to hurt? It doesn't seem fair, and it doesn't seem right. I've been trying so hard to seek you God, and do what would be right in Your eyes, but my heart hurts too. And although my heart hurts, I still know that God is good no matter what, and I am trusting his goodness, and love! Today I listened to "How He Loves" by John Mark Mcmillan, and it has brought me an immense about of peace, just reminding myself that God loves me in the hard times, not despite them!

How He Loves

He is jealous for me
Loves like a hurricane
I am a tree
Bending beneath
The weight of his wind and mercy
When all of a sudden
I am unaware of these
Afflictions eclipsed by glory
And I realize how beautiful you are
And how great your afflictions for me

Oh how he loves us so
Oh how he loves us
How he loves us so

Yea He loves us
Oh how

We are his portion
And he is our prize
Drawn to redemption by the grace in his eyes
If grace is an ocean we're all sinking
So heaven meets earth like a sloppy wet kiss
And my heart burns violently inside of my chest
I don't have time to maintain these regrets
When I think about the way
He loves us

Oh how he loves us so
Oh how he loves us
How he loves us so

Yea He loves us
Oh how

I thought about you
The day Stephen died
And you met me between my breaking
I know that I still love you God
Despite the agony
See people they want to tell me your cruel
But if Stephen could sing
He'd say its not true
Cause your good

Journey Day 82

Revelation Song, sung by Kari Jobe

Worthy is the,
Lamb who was slain
Holy, Holy, is He
Sing a new song, to Him who sits on
Heaven's Mercy Seat
[Repeat 2x]

(Chorus)
Holy, Holy, Holy
Is the Lord God Almighty
Who was, and is, and is to come
With all creation I sing:
Praise to the King of Kings!
You are my everything,
And I will adore You…!
Yeah!

Clothed in rainbows, of living color
Flashes of lightning, rolls of thunder
Blessing and honor, strength and
Glory and power be
To You the Only Wise King,
Yeah

(Chorus)
Holy, Holy, Holy
Is the Lord God Almighty
Who was, and is, and is to come, yeah
With all creation I sing:
Praise to the King of Kings!
You are my everything,
And – I - will - adore You!
Yeah!

Filled with wonder,
Awestruck wonder
At the mention of Your Name
Jesus, Your Name is Power
Breath, and Living Water
Such a marvelous mystery
Yeah...

(Chorus)
Holy, Holy, Holy
Is the Lord God Almighty
Who was, and is, and is to come, yeah
With all creation I sing:
Praise to the King of Kings!
You are my everything,
And – I - will - adore You!

Holy, Holy, Holy
Is the Lord God Almighty
Who was, and is, and is to come,
With all creation I sing:
Praise to the King of Kings!
You are my everything,
And – I - will - adore YOU…

(Chorus) (Repeat at a cappella)

Come up lift up His Name
To the King of Kings…
We will adore YOU Lord…
King of heaven and earth
King Jesus, King Jesus
Aleluya, aleluya, aleluya!
Majesty, awestruck Honor
And Power and Strength and Dominion
To You Lord,
To the King, to King
To the King of Glory

Journey Day 81

How do I put into words the scene that was before me tonight? Can you limit God's glory to words? Tonight I got to see God in each of the girls at my small table. There is this beautiful part of Him that only women can show. From the beginning of time God knew the world was not complete without us. Men are awesome don't get me wrong, they show a different side of our savior, but the world was unfinished without us. We are the Ezer Kenegdo, man's helper, but the kind of helper that is irreplaceable! There was something wrong, something was missing from the creation, and only we could fix it! As women we have more "power" than we think. We have the power to build up our brothers and sisters in Christ, or tear them down. We can love or despise, respect or disrespect. We can use the power God has given us for good, or for evil. We have so much more power than we realize, will we use it to be the safe haven, the Ezer Kenegdo? Or will we use it to bring pain and hurt to the very people that love on us and care about us? How can we expect men to do their part, and reflect God, if we aren't doing our part as women. When we are kind and respectful, and loving I think that it will inspire men to step up to the plate and reflect the strength of God. I want to be that kind of woman, the kind of woman that respects the men in her life, and inspires. I want to be different, I want to be a Godly woman, not because I want a man, but because I want my character to reflect my Savior's character. I want all the men in my life, especially my guy friends to know I respect them, and cherish them, and that I am so proud of them! If I can encourage them, then my job is done : )

Journey Day 80

80 days on this incredible journey towards a stronger relationship with my savior! It's had it's ups and it's downs, but I am so content! God has brought me to this place where I am happy in him, and I'm trying very hard to not let other determine my happiness! It isn't always easy, but God is teaching me sooo much! Here is what I've learned thus far:

1. Be careful to do what is right in the eyes of everyone, as far as it depends on you, live at peace with everyone. This isn't easy, but it's important. This is definitely on the of the most important things I have learned!

2. I have to let God use my time of singleness. This is the one time in my life I can do whatever God wants without any strings attached, or anyone to be attached to. I'm getting involved in my church, and volunteering at the local pregnancy resource center, and I can't wait to see how God is going to use the rest of my life!

3. When I draw near to God, he draws near to me! The more I seek God, and read His word, the more I feel Him in my life!

4. Make decisions based on God's conviction. When I cut certain things out of my life, my relationship with God improved! I can't ignore those results, and I am discovering it's so important to pay attention to them.

5. Love as Jesus loves. This seems to be the hardest one I think. I want to love as Jesus loves, but it's not easy, he loves unconditionally and sometimes that seems impossible to do. But I know all things are possible through Christ!

6. Read the bible often. Not just reading a different book everyday, but really reading God's word, and understanding it!

I hope that God continues to grow me and change me, and point out my flaws and faults, because it is then that I will become better, it is then that I will start to become a woman after God's own heart! My deepest desire is to be God's girl, I want his will to be my will, and I want him to look at my life and say, "Well done my good and faithful child, well done". I want to grow even if it hurts, and I know it will, but the ends are completely worth the means! The ends being a life of contentment, filled with the joy and peace that only my God can provide!

Journey Day 79

Ok, so how cool is this: back in the times of the Old Testament, pre-Jesus, high priests would have to make sacrifices for the people, so that God would forgive them their sins. They interceded on the behalf of everyone else, because they were chosen by God. They would sacrifice first for their own sins,and then for the sins of everyone else. Now these priests have to continue to intercede for the people, and it only lasted as long as their own life, once they died, the new priest had to take over, and continue what the old one had been doing. Wellllll this happened for hundreds of years until Jesus came along and sacrificed himself for the sins of the whole world.He is the ultimate "interceder", because he lives forever, he continues to save us and His life was the ultimate sacrifice, "He sacrificed for their sins once for all when he offered himself."(Hebrews 7:27b)This whole process is our "new covenant", and "By calling this covenant 'new', he has made the first one obsolete and what is obsolete and aging will soon disappear."(Hebrews 8:13)We are now under the grace and forgiveness of God, daily being saved by our great intercessor! Again I say, how cool is that!? I hope you have an AMAZING Tuesday, filled with reminders of God's never ending love for YOU! : )

Journey Day 78

It's time for the verse of the week... woooohoooooo!! : ) Today in Theology 201 (when I should have been paying attention) God gave me Romans 12:9-21, which talks about loving other people, and I just KNEW that the verse(s) of the week had to come from this passage! Romans 12:9-10 says, "Love must be sincere. Hate what is evil, cling to what is good. Be devoted to one another in brotherly love. Honor one another above yourselves." I think that the last part of that verse is the hardest part. I say, "sure God I'll love others, but only if I can put myself first." But here's the thing, we're called to love as God loves, with a sincere love, we are to honor others ABOVE ourselves! What an incredible calling! So this week when you're tempted to be selfish, or you're tempted to say something mean, remember Romans 12:9-10, and love sincerely, clinging to what is good, and put your brothers and sisters in Christ above yourself! I know that I'm going to have to repeat this verse over and over again to myself this week, and I hope that maybe, just maybe it will help you too! : )

Journey Day 77

Dear blogging world,

The presence of God overwhelms me. He has the tendency to bring me to my knees and remind me of how awesome he is just when I start think I can do it on my own. When will I learn that God knows better and is better. I was listening to the local Christian radio station, Spirit FM, and they interviewed one of the newer Christian artists, and he said he can handle when God says no, and he loves it when God says yes, but it's when God says, "wait", that everything gets more difficult. That is exactly where I am right now. I can handle when God says no, I know that he has something better, I'm ecstatic when He says yes, because I mean really, most people like to get their own way, but when He says "wait", I start to freak out a little. I feel like screaming, "I've waited long enough, give me a concrete answer!" But in that still small voice I can hear God saying, even now, "wait Sarah, I have something big for you, if only you will trust me and wait." I am NOT a patient person, I don't like to wait for anything. I don't like to wait in line, I skip those rides at amusement parks, I don't like to wait for pedestrians to cross the road, I don't like to wait for food, I just don't like to wait, but what I forget is that I am missing out on so much. When I skip all the rides with lines, don't you think I'm probably missing the best ones? I think that God is trying to show me that good things come to those who know how to wait, and who do it with a good attitude, because lets be honest, I can wait for pedestrians to cross the road, but we all know the entire time I am cursing their butts for not walking faster. I think that God doesn't just ask us to wait, but he asks us to wait with a joyful heart, and that my friends is the hard part.

Journey Day 76

Today I realized the whole world is at my feet!! Like I always knew God would do whatever he wanted, but now I fully support this fact! Like it dawned on me tonight, I can do anything. I can go anywhere with anyone because I am not tied down, and God has this incredible unstoppable plan for my life! I'm so excited, and I just wanted to share that with you! : )

Journey Day 75

I had a different blog post I planned on writing tonight. I had it written up, and ready to go, but God had other plans. Tonight started the women's conference at my church, and God just broke me! I took a lot of notes, and at one point I wrote down, "My deepest desire is for God to say to me, 'well done my good and faithful servant well done.' " When I wrote that I meant that I wanted to live a life that would make God proud, a life that would make him say "well done". Well during the "sharing" part of the lecture, I opened up with the women about what God had been doing in my life, and how discouraged I had been feeling, and why I had been feeling so discouraged, and I asked for prayer that God would show me the change that he had already started in me. Well one of the women came up and prayed for me, and she said "God remind Sarah, that you say to her, 'Well done my good and faithful servant.' " Well of course that made me cry more than I was already, but most of all it reminded me of the power of my God, and how He wants to work in my life, and sometimes he speaks through the people in our lives to encourage us, and draw us closer to Him. I can't wait to see what tomorrow will bring, and how God will use it in my walk with him! : )

Journey Day 74

Tomorrow starts the "Passionate Hearts Women's Conference". I am soo excited! My biggest prayer is that God will continue to make changes in my heart through this conference! That through it he will break me down, and remind me of his love for me! I want one of those moments where my heart is broken before him, and I call him to pick me up, and he meets me there, at his feet! Those moments are painful, and hard, but sometimes I know that it has to hurt before it can get better. My greatest struggle right now is taking my burdens and leaving them at the foot of the cross. My head wants to leave them there, but my heart want's to keep some kind of control, and holds onto the very things that are weighing me down. Today God gave me Psalm 94:19, which says, "When anxiety was great within me, Your consolation brought joy to my soul." I pray that God will remind me of the joy he gives, that will heal my soul, and console me when my heart seems to ache. I will never expect my life to be perfect, or free of pain, but I can be sure that God will right along side me the entire time, leading me one step at a time giving me his peace that passes understanding. I am content and safe in his arms. : ) Yay Jesus!

Journey Day 73

Psalm 119:9-11 says "How can a young man keep his way pure? By living according to your word. I seek you with all my heart; do not let me stray from your commands. I have hidden your word in my heart that I might not sin against you." David knew the importance of hiding God's word in our heart, it's the only way to keep our way pure before God. So I thought that I could share a verse of the week with you, to encourage you and encourage me! This week's verse(s) is James 1:2-4. "Consider it pure joy, my brothers, whenever you face trials of many kinds, because you know that the testing of your faith develops perseverance. Perseverance must finish it's work so that you may be mature and complete, not lacking anything." This verse is an important reminder that the hard times in life are not for nothing, they are for a reason! God uses them to grow us and transform us so that we "may be mature and complete, not lacking anything." I hope those words will encourage you this week, and I pray that you will hide them in your heart! : )

Journey Day 72

Getting Into You, by Relient K

When I made up my mind
And my heart along with that
To live not for myself
But yet for God somebody said
"Do you know what you are getting yourself into?"

When I finally ironed out
All of my priorities
And asked God to remove the doubt
That makes me so unsure of these
Things I ask myself, I ask myself
Do you know what you are getting yourself into?

Chorus
I'm getting into you
Becaue you got to me, in a way words can't describe
I'm getting into you
Because I've got to be
You're essential to survive
I'm going to love you with my life

When he looked at me and said
"I kind of view you as a son"
And for a second our eyes met
And I met that with a question
"Do you know what you are getting yourself into"

Chorus

I've been a liar and I'll never amount to
The kind of person you deserve to worship you
You say you will not dwell on what I did but rather what I do You say
"I love you and that's what you are getting yourself into"

Chorus

He said, "I love you and that's what you are getting yourself into"

The beauty of a relationship with God is that His love calls us in and draws us to Himself, and we can be exactly who we are when we are with Him. 2 Corinthians 12:9 tells us , "But he said to me, 'My grace is sufficient for you, my power is made perfect in weakness.' Therefore I will boast all the more glady about my weaknesses, so that Christ's power may rest on me." God knew exactly what He is getting into when He started pursuing a relationship with us, and He loves us anyway. Sometimes I can't help but be like, "God are you sure you want to love me? I am so flawed, I make so many mistakes, and say so many dumb things." And it is then, in His still small voice, that he reminds me that is power is made perfect in my weakness, and that when I am weak he is strong. I'm still struggling, I'm still weak, but when I stumble, and when I fall, God is there to pick me up, and once again remind me that he knew what he was getting into when he gave His life for me, and that He is never leaving, and that His love for me will never change. "I'm getting into you because you got to me in a way words can't describe...you're essential to survive, I'm gonna love you with my life." Jesus, I know that you are essential to survive, help me to love you with all that I am.

p.s. Just an update on the pregnancy center thing: I am officially going to be a volunteer counselor! I start training on the 20th of September! The peace, and excitement I feel are telling me that it was the right decision! I'm so excited to see how God is going to work! : )

Journey Day 71

So despite my growing relationship with God I still have hard nights. Nights where I feel overwhelmed and life hits me like a ton of bricks! Last night was one of those nights. I was feeling overwhelmed, stressed, and just plain weary. I decided I would read more of the Psalms (I've been reading through them), and I came upon Psalm 63:1-8. It says, "O God, you are my God, earnestly I seek you; my soul thirsts for you, my body longs for you, in a dry and weary land where there is no water. I have seen you in the sanctuary and beheld your power and your glory. Because your love is better than life, my lips will glorify you. I will praise you as long as I live, and in your name I will lift up my hands. My soul will be satisfied as with the richest of foods with singing lips my mouth will praise you. On my bed I will remember you; I think of you through the watches of the night. Because you are my help, I sing in the shadow of your wings. My soul clings to you; your right hand upholds me." David knew what it was like to be in God's presence, and for his whole body to long for him! He knew that there was nothing better than God. "My soul clings to you; your right hand upholds me." Even on the hardest nights God's hand upholds me, and I am learning what being in the presence of God means, and what it feels like. My body longs for him, I have a thirst for his word that cannot be quenched. Even in the most difficult situation, I see his hand working for my good! Do you long for God with all that you are? Does your soul thirst for him with a thirst that cannot be quenched by anything but Him? Be satisfied in Him, and praise Him for He is God, and his right hand will hold you up! I love that even in the darkest of nights, God's word can light up my life! : )

Motions by Matthew West

This might hurt, it's not safe
But I know that I've gotta make a change
I don't care if I break,
At least I'll be feeling something
'Cause just okay is not enough
Help me fight through the nothingness of life

I don't wanna go through the motions
I don't wanna go one more day
without Your all consuming passion inside of me
I don't wanna spend my whole life asking,
"What if I had given everything,
instead of going through the motions?"

No regrets, not this time
I'm gonna let my heart defeat my mind
Let Your love make me whole
I think I'm finally feeling something
'Cause just okay is not enough
Help me fight through the nothingness of this life

'Cause I don't wanna go through the motions
I don't wanna go one more day
without Your all consuming passion inside of me
I don't wanna spend my whole life asking,
"What if I had given everything,
instead of going through the motions?"

take me all the way (take me all the way)
take me all the way ('cause I don't wanna go through the motions)
take me all the way (I know I'm finally feeling something real)
take me all the way

I don't wanna go through the motions
I don't wanna go one more day
without Your all consuming passion inside of me
I don't wanna spend my whole life asking,
"What if I had given everything,
instead of going through the motions?"

I don't wanna go through the motions
I don't wanna go one more day
without Your all consuming passion inside of me
I don't wanna spend my whole life asking,
"What if I had given everything,
instead of going through the motions?"

take me all the way (take me all the way)
take me all the way (I don't wanna go, I don't wanna go)
take me all the way (through the motions)
take me all the way

I don't wanna go through the motions

Journey Day 70

So tomorrow I have to make a really big decision. I have to decide whether or not I am going to go through training to be a volunteer counselor at the local pregnancy resource center. This may not sound like a super big deal, but it's a very intense time commitment, and I just don't know if I have the time for it. But I also know that if it's what God wants me to do, he'll make the time and give me the energy. I guess the big thing for me is making sure that it is what God wants me to do. I want to allow him to use me in my time of singleness, and I just feel like this would be such a cool way! I feel like I have a peace about it, but I'm so scared of making the wrong decision and I'm scared of making such a big commitment. But if I'm bringing God glory in what I do, what could possibly be wrong about it? I just have to let go, and let God work in me. It's the letting go part that seems to be so difficult. I told God that he could use me in whatever way he wanted, and if I have this amazing opportunity, how could I possibly pass it up? God will provide whatever I need to do his will. It's just about me having the faith, to trust in his promises. After writing this I think I have my answer, but I'm gonna give it one more night of prayer, and make my final decision tomorrow. I want it to be evident that the spirit of God controls me, by the fruits in my life. Good cannot produce bad, so if God is controlling my decisions than good will be produced in my life! : )

Journey Day 69

So I am so excited to share this answer to prayer! Since I started my journey I have been praying for someone to disciple me, and mentor me. I didn't see anyone in my life that would be a mentor, not to say that there weren't women in my life that were awesome Christians, but most of them were the same age as me, or were in the same place as me. So I've been praying hardcore that God would bring me a mentor, someone to guide me along, and give me sound Christian advice. I assumed that it would be an older woman, or a married woman in my church, maybe even a professor. I never even imagined that God would bring me a mentor from my place of work. No offense to my job, but I just never thought it was a possibility, until one morning when I finished my opening duties early, I was able to sit down and talk with one of the servers that I always really liked, and I shared what was going on in my life, and she had been exactly where I was. We had an awesome conversation, and it was extremely clear to me that she had an awesome, growing relationship with God. I had a new respect for her. I always thought that she was different from most of the other servers, but we had never really had the opportunity to talk about it. After that day she asked if I wanted to meet once a week every week, and after our first meeting, I knew that God had given me my mentor. She seeks God in her life, and has already given me sound, Godly advice! I just wanted to share that with you, because it's so exciting and encouraging when you see God answer a prayer in such an immediate and unexpected way! It was just another reminder that God hears me when I pray, and he wants to give me my hearts desire when I seek him! "Delight yourself in the Lord and he will give you the desires of your heart." Psalm 37:4

Journey Day 68

When I Go Down- Relient K

I'll tell you flat out
It hurts so much to think of this
So from my thoughts I will exclude
The very thing that
I hate more than anything is
The way I'm powerless
To dictate my own moods

I've thrown away
So many things that could have been much more
And I just pray
My problems go away if their ignored
but that's not the way it works
No that's not the way it works

When I go down
I go down hard
And I take everything I've learned
And teach myself some disregard
When I go down
It hurts to hit the bottom
And of the things that got me there
I think, if only I had fought them

If and when I can
Clear myself of this clouded mind
I'll watch myself settle down
Into a place where
Peace can search me out and find
That I'm so ready to be found

I've thrown away
The hope I've had in friendships
I've thrown away
So many things that could have been much more
I've thrown away
The secret to find an end to this
And I just pray
My problems go away if their ignored
But that's not the way it works
No that's not the way it works

Any control I thought I had just slips right through my hands
While my ever present conscious shakes it's head and reprimands me
Reprimands me
Then and there
I confess
I'll blame all this on my selfishness
Yet You love me
It consumes me
And I'll stand up again
And do so willingly

You give me hope, and hope it gives me life
You touch my heavy heart, and when you do you make it light
As I exhale I hear your voice
And I answer you, though I hardly make a noise
And from my lips, the words I choose to say
Seem pathetic, but it's a fallen man's praise
Because I love You
Oh God I love You
And life is now worth living, and it's only because of you
And when they say I'm dead and gone
It won't be further from the truth

When I go down
I lift my eyes to you
I won't look very far
Cause you'll be there
With open arms
To lift me up again
To lift me up again

http://http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=SnfxQlqVGH4

Journey Day 67

I can't believe I've been on this "journey" of mine for 67 days! I never want to go back to who I was, or some of things I was doing. There is this song by Relient K called, "Who I Am Hates Who I've Been", and the chorus pretty much sums up how I feel. "I'm sorry for the person I became, I'm sorry that it took so long for me to change, I'm ready to be sure I never become that way again, cause who I am hates who I've been, who I am hates who I've been." I think the thing that I regret the most was the things I used to say, mostly about people, and how cruel I was through my words. James 3:6 says, "The tongue also is a fire, a world of evil among the parts of the body. It corrupts the whole person, and is itself set on fire by hell." Those are some pretty strong words about the damage we can do with our tongue, and the words we say. James 3:9-10 says, "With the tongue we praise our Lord and Father, and with it we curse men, who have been made in God's likeness. Out of the same mouth come praise and cursing. My brothers, this should not be." How can I say I love God, and then be cruel to his creation? That is a contradiction! I still stumble and fall with my tongue, but God is changing my heart, and quieting my desire to say harsh things. A few ways to tame your tongue are :

1. Think about what your about to say before you say it! We have to learn to limit our word vomit. Sometimes that's all it takes, because it's so easy to speak without thinking and then regret your words!
2. Read the verses that the Bible has about taming your tongue. There are alot of good ones in James 3 and 1, but you can also check out Psalm 39:1, and Proverbs 12:18. That last one talks about how our words can pierce like a sword, but when we are kind they can bring healing instead! : )
3. Give it over to God, ask him to guard your words! It isn't easy to watch your words if it's something you struggle with, trust me I am there! But I am holding firm to God's promise's of grace, and the promise of Psalm 37:4. "Delight yourself in the Lord and he will give you the desires of your heart." To desire to speak kind words, and tame your tongue is a righteous desire, and I believe God will help you with that!

It isn't easy to watch your words, but when I do, I feel so much better about myself, and about my friends, and even about my relationship with God! I know that as long as I am seeking God, he will direct my path and my words. It may not be easy, but it is right. I can't wait to see what day 68 will bring, it may not be easy, it may hurt, but it will bring me one step closer to my savior and the plan that he has for me!

Journey Day 66

Lately I have been praying a very scary prayer. I keep praying that God will humble me, that he will teach me how to be humble. Why is that a scary prayer you ask? Because sometimes when we ask God to do the tough things in our life, getting to that point is hard and sometimes painful. Sometimes it means that we are going to have to see our flaws and mistakes more than usual, to remind us that they are there. It's so easy for me to get caught up in the high of my relationship with God, that I often forget how flawed I am. It is then that I need the reminder that I am completely imperfect, to be reminded that no matter how close I get to God, I still do stupid things, and sin. I am far from perfect, and I think that being humbled is being reminded of that very fact. I looked up the word humble on dictionary.com, and one of the verb meanings is "To make meek; to humble one's heart". That is exactly what I want to be; meek. I need to become more, and he has to become less. Two synonyms of meek are calm and soft. When approaching even the most confrontational situation I want to be calm and soft so that people will see that I am humble. I know that I am often wrong, and I want to see how wrong I am. I never want to be blind to my part in a problem. And that is what I am trying to work on. I'm will not put up a front, right now I feel a little discouraged, because I feel like despite my best effort, I'm still falling so short of God's calling for my life, but that thought is pushing me to read His word more, and spend more time with him, and talking with him. I know that the only way I will ever get closer to Him is by spending time with Him, and getting to know Him, and His requirements for my life by the reading of his word. This growth is painful, and difficult, but at the same time it's beautiful and encouraging. Growth is just one more important part of my journey, although it's difficult, I know that the ends are worth the means, and I pray that God will continue to grow me, even when it hurts! I love the mountaintops, but I want God to use the valleys too!