Journey Day 266

Today I feel completely inadequate. Today I feel like a failure in my walk with God. Today I feel weak. Today I feel like I'm being suffocated by an incredibly heavy burden and I don't even know what the burden is. I was standing in church and we were singing about feeling at rest and at peace and all the sudden my chest got tight and I started to cry and my shoulder felt like someone was sitting on them. When I thought about being at rest I realized how much I'm really not at rest at all. It's not even that I don't feel at peace about any events happening in my life, I just feel weary and heavy laden. I have the tendency to carry my burdens along with a lot of other people's, and I love doing it! I really do, I love being there for them and I love helping them carry their burdens! I think as a Christian that is my responsiblity, and my pleasure, but I think my problem is that I haven't laid those burdens at the foot of the cross where they belong. The moment I typed those words I was reminded of Isaiah 40:31, "but those who hope in the Lord will renew their strength. They will soar on wings like eagles; they will run and not grow weary, they will walk and not be faint." Over spring break my relationship with God took a small hit, not because of anything I did but more because of what I didn't do. I let that important relationship fall to the wayside and I hardly ever spent any time with the lover of my soul! No wonder I have been feeling so exhausted and burdened! I am a firm believer that the over flow of your heart turns into words, action, and life, and because I hadn't spent time with my Jesus the overflow of my heart was sour thus came the weariness and the sorrow and the burden. I haven't been sharing my burden with Jesus and soooo I am just completely burnt out! When I am depending on Jesus and spending time in the word, carrying burdens is an easy task because it is shared, but when I try to carry them alone I get snippy and exhausted and I just feel heavy. But when I am spending time in the word and with Jesus and when I make that relationship top priority I am able to carry every burden with a smile on my face, and a song in my heart. If anything, this past "quiet-timeless" week has made me realize even more how truly desperate I am for God. Without Him I am truly a mess!