Journey Day 398

Today in church we sang "How He Loves", and I was standing there with my arms lifted high singing "Oh how He loves us so, Oooh how He loves us, how He loves us all." and "We are His portion and He is our prize, drawn to redemption by the grace in His eyes." and out of nowhere it hit me... God loves ME! I mean I've heard this over and over again, but I think for a while now I stopped believing it. Not on purpose, and not consciously, but it happened. I got so caught up in feeling guilty about my depression, guilty about not going to China, guilty about not doing enough for God, guilty about being a bad friend, and guilty about not giving enough time to God that I got it in my head that I was too much of a mess for God to love. I think I had myself convinced that I was unlovable. So today as I was standing in church it hit me like a ton of bricks. God. Loves. Me. No matter what I do, or how many times I mess up God loves me unconditionally. Jon Acuff wrote in his blog "Stuff Christians Like" that often the God in our head is a mean God, and He wants to take away all the good things in our life, but in reality God is a God of love and a God of healing. The God in my head turned His back on me, and stopped loving me because I am such a mess... but the God in reality is holding my hand through the valley, and His heart breaks for me when He sees me broken. He demonstrates that love over and over in the bible. The book of the bible that best shows God's crazy awesome love for us is Jeremiah. God's people had turned their back on Him, but instead of Him leaving them and forgetting about them He  said "For I know the plans I have for you, declares the Lord, plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you a hope and a future." I love that last part... "plans to give you a hope and a future." It reminds me that even if what I'm going through in the moment is hard, God has a plan for my life. There is hope even when I might feel hopeless. No matter what I do. God. loves. me. I don't know about you, that was the reminder I needed. "I don't have time to maintain these regrets when I think about the way HE LOVES US."