Journey Day 72

Getting Into You, by Relient K

When I made up my mind
And my heart along with that
To live not for myself
But yet for God somebody said
"Do you know what you are getting yourself into?"

When I finally ironed out
All of my priorities
And asked God to remove the doubt
That makes me so unsure of these
Things I ask myself, I ask myself
Do you know what you are getting yourself into?

Chorus
I'm getting into you
Becaue you got to me, in a way words can't describe
I'm getting into you
Because I've got to be
You're essential to survive
I'm going to love you with my life

When he looked at me and said
"I kind of view you as a son"
And for a second our eyes met
And I met that with a question
"Do you know what you are getting yourself into"

Chorus

I've been a liar and I'll never amount to
The kind of person you deserve to worship you
You say you will not dwell on what I did but rather what I do You say
"I love you and that's what you are getting yourself into"

Chorus

He said, "I love you and that's what you are getting yourself into"

The beauty of a relationship with God is that His love calls us in and draws us to Himself, and we can be exactly who we are when we are with Him. 2 Corinthians 12:9 tells us , "But he said to me, 'My grace is sufficient for you, my power is made perfect in weakness.' Therefore I will boast all the more glady about my weaknesses, so that Christ's power may rest on me." God knew exactly what He is getting into when He started pursuing a relationship with us, and He loves us anyway. Sometimes I can't help but be like, "God are you sure you want to love me? I am so flawed, I make so many mistakes, and say so many dumb things." And it is then, in His still small voice, that he reminds me that is power is made perfect in my weakness, and that when I am weak he is strong. I'm still struggling, I'm still weak, but when I stumble, and when I fall, God is there to pick me up, and once again remind me that he knew what he was getting into when he gave His life for me, and that He is never leaving, and that His love for me will never change. "I'm getting into you because you got to me in a way words can't describe...you're essential to survive, I'm gonna love you with my life." Jesus, I know that you are essential to survive, help me to love you with all that I am.

p.s. Just an update on the pregnancy center thing: I am officially going to be a volunteer counselor! I start training on the 20th of September! The peace, and excitement I feel are telling me that it was the right decision! I'm so excited to see how God is going to work! : )

Journey Day 71

So despite my growing relationship with God I still have hard nights. Nights where I feel overwhelmed and life hits me like a ton of bricks! Last night was one of those nights. I was feeling overwhelmed, stressed, and just plain weary. I decided I would read more of the Psalms (I've been reading through them), and I came upon Psalm 63:1-8. It says, "O God, you are my God, earnestly I seek you; my soul thirsts for you, my body longs for you, in a dry and weary land where there is no water. I have seen you in the sanctuary and beheld your power and your glory. Because your love is better than life, my lips will glorify you. I will praise you as long as I live, and in your name I will lift up my hands. My soul will be satisfied as with the richest of foods with singing lips my mouth will praise you. On my bed I will remember you; I think of you through the watches of the night. Because you are my help, I sing in the shadow of your wings. My soul clings to you; your right hand upholds me." David knew what it was like to be in God's presence, and for his whole body to long for him! He knew that there was nothing better than God. "My soul clings to you; your right hand upholds me." Even on the hardest nights God's hand upholds me, and I am learning what being in the presence of God means, and what it feels like. My body longs for him, I have a thirst for his word that cannot be quenched. Even in the most difficult situation, I see his hand working for my good! Do you long for God with all that you are? Does your soul thirst for him with a thirst that cannot be quenched by anything but Him? Be satisfied in Him, and praise Him for He is God, and his right hand will hold you up! I love that even in the darkest of nights, God's word can light up my life! : )

Motions by Matthew West

This might hurt, it's not safe
But I know that I've gotta make a change
I don't care if I break,
At least I'll be feeling something
'Cause just okay is not enough
Help me fight through the nothingness of life

I don't wanna go through the motions
I don't wanna go one more day
without Your all consuming passion inside of me
I don't wanna spend my whole life asking,
"What if I had given everything,
instead of going through the motions?"

No regrets, not this time
I'm gonna let my heart defeat my mind
Let Your love make me whole
I think I'm finally feeling something
'Cause just okay is not enough
Help me fight through the nothingness of this life

'Cause I don't wanna go through the motions
I don't wanna go one more day
without Your all consuming passion inside of me
I don't wanna spend my whole life asking,
"What if I had given everything,
instead of going through the motions?"

take me all the way (take me all the way)
take me all the way ('cause I don't wanna go through the motions)
take me all the way (I know I'm finally feeling something real)
take me all the way

I don't wanna go through the motions
I don't wanna go one more day
without Your all consuming passion inside of me
I don't wanna spend my whole life asking,
"What if I had given everything,
instead of going through the motions?"

I don't wanna go through the motions
I don't wanna go one more day
without Your all consuming passion inside of me
I don't wanna spend my whole life asking,
"What if I had given everything,
instead of going through the motions?"

take me all the way (take me all the way)
take me all the way (I don't wanna go, I don't wanna go)
take me all the way (through the motions)
take me all the way

I don't wanna go through the motions

Journey Day 70

So tomorrow I have to make a really big decision. I have to decide whether or not I am going to go through training to be a volunteer counselor at the local pregnancy resource center. This may not sound like a super big deal, but it's a very intense time commitment, and I just don't know if I have the time for it. But I also know that if it's what God wants me to do, he'll make the time and give me the energy. I guess the big thing for me is making sure that it is what God wants me to do. I want to allow him to use me in my time of singleness, and I just feel like this would be such a cool way! I feel like I have a peace about it, but I'm so scared of making the wrong decision and I'm scared of making such a big commitment. But if I'm bringing God glory in what I do, what could possibly be wrong about it? I just have to let go, and let God work in me. It's the letting go part that seems to be so difficult. I told God that he could use me in whatever way he wanted, and if I have this amazing opportunity, how could I possibly pass it up? God will provide whatever I need to do his will. It's just about me having the faith, to trust in his promises. After writing this I think I have my answer, but I'm gonna give it one more night of prayer, and make my final decision tomorrow. I want it to be evident that the spirit of God controls me, by the fruits in my life. Good cannot produce bad, so if God is controlling my decisions than good will be produced in my life! : )

Journey Day 69

So I am so excited to share this answer to prayer! Since I started my journey I have been praying for someone to disciple me, and mentor me. I didn't see anyone in my life that would be a mentor, not to say that there weren't women in my life that were awesome Christians, but most of them were the same age as me, or were in the same place as me. So I've been praying hardcore that God would bring me a mentor, someone to guide me along, and give me sound Christian advice. I assumed that it would be an older woman, or a married woman in my church, maybe even a professor. I never even imagined that God would bring me a mentor from my place of work. No offense to my job, but I just never thought it was a possibility, until one morning when I finished my opening duties early, I was able to sit down and talk with one of the servers that I always really liked, and I shared what was going on in my life, and she had been exactly where I was. We had an awesome conversation, and it was extremely clear to me that she had an awesome, growing relationship with God. I had a new respect for her. I always thought that she was different from most of the other servers, but we had never really had the opportunity to talk about it. After that day she asked if I wanted to meet once a week every week, and after our first meeting, I knew that God had given me my mentor. She seeks God in her life, and has already given me sound, Godly advice! I just wanted to share that with you, because it's so exciting and encouraging when you see God answer a prayer in such an immediate and unexpected way! It was just another reminder that God hears me when I pray, and he wants to give me my hearts desire when I seek him! "Delight yourself in the Lord and he will give you the desires of your heart." Psalm 37:4

Journey Day 68

When I Go Down- Relient K

I'll tell you flat out
It hurts so much to think of this
So from my thoughts I will exclude
The very thing that
I hate more than anything is
The way I'm powerless
To dictate my own moods

I've thrown away
So many things that could have been much more
And I just pray
My problems go away if their ignored
but that's not the way it works
No that's not the way it works

When I go down
I go down hard
And I take everything I've learned
And teach myself some disregard
When I go down
It hurts to hit the bottom
And of the things that got me there
I think, if only I had fought them

If and when I can
Clear myself of this clouded mind
I'll watch myself settle down
Into a place where
Peace can search me out and find
That I'm so ready to be found

I've thrown away
The hope I've had in friendships
I've thrown away
So many things that could have been much more
I've thrown away
The secret to find an end to this
And I just pray
My problems go away if their ignored
But that's not the way it works
No that's not the way it works

Any control I thought I had just slips right through my hands
While my ever present conscious shakes it's head and reprimands me
Reprimands me
Then and there
I confess
I'll blame all this on my selfishness
Yet You love me
It consumes me
And I'll stand up again
And do so willingly

You give me hope, and hope it gives me life
You touch my heavy heart, and when you do you make it light
As I exhale I hear your voice
And I answer you, though I hardly make a noise
And from my lips, the words I choose to say
Seem pathetic, but it's a fallen man's praise
Because I love You
Oh God I love You
And life is now worth living, and it's only because of you
And when they say I'm dead and gone
It won't be further from the truth

When I go down
I lift my eyes to you
I won't look very far
Cause you'll be there
With open arms
To lift me up again
To lift me up again

http://http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=SnfxQlqVGH4

Journey Day 67

I can't believe I've been on this "journey" of mine for 67 days! I never want to go back to who I was, or some of things I was doing. There is this song by Relient K called, "Who I Am Hates Who I've Been", and the chorus pretty much sums up how I feel. "I'm sorry for the person I became, I'm sorry that it took so long for me to change, I'm ready to be sure I never become that way again, cause who I am hates who I've been, who I am hates who I've been." I think the thing that I regret the most was the things I used to say, mostly about people, and how cruel I was through my words. James 3:6 says, "The tongue also is a fire, a world of evil among the parts of the body. It corrupts the whole person, and is itself set on fire by hell." Those are some pretty strong words about the damage we can do with our tongue, and the words we say. James 3:9-10 says, "With the tongue we praise our Lord and Father, and with it we curse men, who have been made in God's likeness. Out of the same mouth come praise and cursing. My brothers, this should not be." How can I say I love God, and then be cruel to his creation? That is a contradiction! I still stumble and fall with my tongue, but God is changing my heart, and quieting my desire to say harsh things. A few ways to tame your tongue are :

1. Think about what your about to say before you say it! We have to learn to limit our word vomit. Sometimes that's all it takes, because it's so easy to speak without thinking and then regret your words!
2. Read the verses that the Bible has about taming your tongue. There are alot of good ones in James 3 and 1, but you can also check out Psalm 39:1, and Proverbs 12:18. That last one talks about how our words can pierce like a sword, but when we are kind they can bring healing instead! : )
3. Give it over to God, ask him to guard your words! It isn't easy to watch your words if it's something you struggle with, trust me I am there! But I am holding firm to God's promise's of grace, and the promise of Psalm 37:4. "Delight yourself in the Lord and he will give you the desires of your heart." To desire to speak kind words, and tame your tongue is a righteous desire, and I believe God will help you with that!

It isn't easy to watch your words, but when I do, I feel so much better about myself, and about my friends, and even about my relationship with God! I know that as long as I am seeking God, he will direct my path and my words. It may not be easy, but it is right. I can't wait to see what day 68 will bring, it may not be easy, it may hurt, but it will bring me one step closer to my savior and the plan that he has for me!

Journey Day 66

Lately I have been praying a very scary prayer. I keep praying that God will humble me, that he will teach me how to be humble. Why is that a scary prayer you ask? Because sometimes when we ask God to do the tough things in our life, getting to that point is hard and sometimes painful. Sometimes it means that we are going to have to see our flaws and mistakes more than usual, to remind us that they are there. It's so easy for me to get caught up in the high of my relationship with God, that I often forget how flawed I am. It is then that I need the reminder that I am completely imperfect, to be reminded that no matter how close I get to God, I still do stupid things, and sin. I am far from perfect, and I think that being humbled is being reminded of that very fact. I looked up the word humble on dictionary.com, and one of the verb meanings is "To make meek; to humble one's heart". That is exactly what I want to be; meek. I need to become more, and he has to become less. Two synonyms of meek are calm and soft. When approaching even the most confrontational situation I want to be calm and soft so that people will see that I am humble. I know that I am often wrong, and I want to see how wrong I am. I never want to be blind to my part in a problem. And that is what I am trying to work on. I'm will not put up a front, right now I feel a little discouraged, because I feel like despite my best effort, I'm still falling so short of God's calling for my life, but that thought is pushing me to read His word more, and spend more time with him, and talking with him. I know that the only way I will ever get closer to Him is by spending time with Him, and getting to know Him, and His requirements for my life by the reading of his word. This growth is painful, and difficult, but at the same time it's beautiful and encouraging. Growth is just one more important part of my journey, although it's difficult, I know that the ends are worth the means, and I pray that God will continue to grow me, even when it hurts! I love the mountaintops, but I want God to use the valleys too!